15 & 16/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #73
Friday 6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Bikram Kaimuki - class #74
Saturday 4:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I brought my friend, Suzy, to yoga Friday and then she brought her friend, Anne, today. Both really liked it and signed up for the $30 intro special. They're going to try to come every day for the 30 days. Wow. Usually it's hit or miss with friends. My roommate who I brought over a year ago absolutely hated it. She tried 2 classes but then never wanted to come back. She is much more into the flow vinyasa style a la Bapiste. To each his own, though - you know?

Two solid classes for me. Lately, I have been getting my forehead much more squarely on my knee during standing separate leg stretching. Today I actually grabbed my knee on both sides during spine twisting. Got a compliment from Jeremy on my form in standing bow-pulling. That is probably my favorite posture. I can't keep my standing leg completely locked the whole time and I usually fall out after about 20 seconds in the full expression. But I am able to stretch my foot way back and over my head so I actually look pretty good in this pose. This excites me because I can see myself making it to a full standing split sometime in the distant future. I have a background in ballet and I used to be able to do the splits against a wall. That was years and years ago - but if I was able to do it at one time I am determined that I will get there again.

In addition I went swimming today at the pool by my house. I did 1100 yards at a leisurely pace - which is not really a lot for me. I want to work up to doing 1700 yards which is about a mile. It felt really good to be outside and to be in the water. Water energizes me. I love the smell of chlorine, too. I know that sounds funny but it reminds me of swim team. I did find that I was extra hot in yoga - probably from getting a little sun this afternoon.

We observed Earth Hour from 8:30-9:30 tonight by turning off all our lights throughout the whole house. We actually sat down and shared a glass of wine and conversation by candlelight. It was very nice. May try to make it a regular practice. Hawaii is a little apathetic, though. It didn't seem like many people here were willing sacrifice their electricity for an hour on a Sat night. Oh well. We put our good intention out there and that's what matters.



Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla soy milk
kona chocolate chip pancakes
(11 am - home)
taco salad w/ lettuce, salsa, beans, rice, guacamole
served in a cripsy tostada shell
(6:30 pm - Cafe Mulvadi)
1 glass Calumbia Crest pinot noir
(8:30 pm - home)

13 & 14/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #71
Wednesday 8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

Bikram Kaimuki - class #72
Thursday 6:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I love Jeremy. He's probably my favorite teacher if I had to pick one. Not much to report from either class. Both were solid and neither too crowded. Last night I stayed in camel for the full time both sets - but I do that a lot these days, I'd say at least 2/3 of the time. Tonight I stayed in triangle for the full time both sides - which I've been doing about half of the time lately. I did - for the first time ever tonight - touch my knee in spine twisting on both sides. I kind of shifted the way I was sitting and what do you know? There was my knee. Exciting stuff.

I've been slipping back way too much into the dairy again lately. I read somewhere that milk has feel good hormones intended to increase bonding between the calf and its mother. These basically have the effect of an opiate on the human system. When people say that they are addicted to dairy - that actually has some physiological truth to it. And with cheese it's worse since it is a much more condensed product.

I know that I am so much better off going cold turkey. So tomorrow I will do just that. Again, butter will be the exception because it is a much weaker product since it's just the oil run-off. But even that has got to be in moderation. I will also try to step my consumption of fruits and vegetables way up and avoid processed food. That should get my weight moving in the downward direction again.



Today's Weight: 211.5

Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
cinnamon roll
(9 am - McDonald's)
falafalel w/ pita bread & hummus
Greek salad
(12:30 pm - Leo's Taverna)
8 oz Kombucha
(3:30 pm work)
2 small brownines
(8:30 pm - home)

11 & 12/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #69
Monday 8:15 pm w/ Michele

Bikram Kaimuki - class #70
Tuesday 8:15 pm w/ Kevo

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I did not miss class. It's just that my work is going to be a little crazy for the next couple of weeks. WE're gearing up for one of our biggest events of the year. So I will try to post my classes and food but will have to keep the longer posts for the weekend.

Hope everybody's doing well in their own respecticve practices and challenges. ;))

Today's Weight: 212.5

Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
2 hashbrown patties
(9 am - Mc Donald's)
tofu & vegetables w/ long rice
(12:30 pm - Baile)
1 Ghiradelli's dark chocolate w/ caramel
1 Ghiradelli's dark chocolate w/ mint
(3:30 pm work)
1 piece home made manicotti
(6:30 pm - home)

9 & 10/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #67
9 am w/ Jeremy

Bikram Kaimuki - class #68
6:30 pm w/ Noa

Two decent classes today. The AM class was uber crowded. I think they set a studio record or something. Jeremy was wonderful as usual. I don't like crowded classes so it was a little bit of struggle for me to make the best of it. I did get several compliments on my form, specifically in standing bow pulling and triangle. The PM class was almost too small - just 16 people. I tried to kind of cruise through cause I was feeling stiff and sore. Probably went a little too deep into my back in the first class. But I still had a good, focused practice without sitting out any postures.

Tonight Noa also commented that I have been really consistent in coming to class and how far I've progressed. Always nice to hear. She probably notices it more cause I only take her class maybe once a week or so. And it's hard not to feel like a rockstar when you've just completed 2 classes in one day. One double down and five more to go.

Again I am really beat so that's going to be all for today.


Today's Weight: 211.5

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
Kona choclate chip pancakes
(12 pm - Cafe Mulvadi)
vegetable briyani
vegetable korma curry
naan bread
(9 pm - leftovers @ home)

8/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #66
4:30 pm w/ Jeremy

Really strong class today. Jeremy is always a good teacher, but when he is on his game he is exceptional. Today was one of those days. The group energy was cohesive and he led us through a flawless dialogue. It wasn't until the end of the class that I found out that it was the fourth class that he had taught for the day. I never would have guessed. The room was super hot but the class wasn't too big. I held the full time on many of the postures - most notably triangle and camel. It could be my mind playing tricks on me but it sure seemed like my body was thanking me for taking a day of rest.

I watched "Rock of Love Bus" on the DVR tonight. It is my favorite trash TV. I just can't get enough. Like one train wreck after another that I am compelled to watch in some sort of horrified fascination. Besides that I don't watch a lot of TV. (At least not until the new season of Entourage.) Movies on Netflix - yes. TV - not so much. Last week I watched "Vicky Christina Barcelona" twice. What a fabulous movie. I think that I will have to add that one to the collection. Next in my que is Milk which I also can't wait to see. Again, such are the silly little things that make me happy these days. ;))

I am gearing up for a double tomorrow so I am going to stop there.


Today's Weight: 212.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
mango macademia nut pancakes
w/ fresh strawberries on top
(11:30 am - Cafe Mulvadi)
vegetable briyani
vegetable samosa
vegetable korma curry
(8 pm - Cafe Taj Mahal)

No class for me today. Which means I have another double to do in addition to the ones I already scheduled in order to make 60 classes in 60 days. =o(

I was planning to go to the 6:30 w/ KEvo. But had a friend invite me to dinner and to check out the new Target. At first I declined, but as the day wore on I changed my mind. I guess the pull of shopping w/ girlfriends got the best of me.

Hawaii just *finally* got its first 2 Target stores last month and there's been so much hype. Maybe it's cause I haven't been a regular Target shopper for the last several years. Maybe I just find ridiculously great bargains when I visit the mainland. Maybe this store is too new to have much clearance stuff yet. Maybe they are still in the process of stocking cuter, hipper merchandise. Maybe Target has just gone downhill. Regardless it was a big disappointment. It was nice to hang out with friends. But I sorta spent the whole evening wishing that I'd gone to yoga.

Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10 am - The Patisirrie)
vegetable quiche
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, grapes
(12 pm - work)
green salad w/ carrots, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers
poppy seed roll w/ butter
(3 pm - work)
vermiccelli w/ veggie spring rolls, lettuce, & sprouts
(6:30 pm - Pho One)

7/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #65
8:15 pm

I've only had this teacher (who will remain nameless) once before and didn't really like her class. Tonight was no different. Her energy is low and her voice is monotone. Her cues aren't very strong so everybody kind of goes into and out of postures using their own timing. By the time we made it to the floor I was pretty annoyed.

But then, laying in savasana, it hit me. To my warped mind she sounded a little like Mr. Garrison from South PArk. After I made that connection I had a hard time keeping a straight face. I kept mentally adding "Mmm Kay?" to the end of each sentence and just about cracking up. I am sure she is a lovely person but her style simply doesn't jive with mine. I'll do what I can to avoid her class but try to make the best of it if/when I ever have her as a teacher again.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and my weight was actually 206 on their scale. 206!!! That's 5 pounds lower than mine and fully clothed at that. I am still going by my scale cause that's what I've been using all along. But it certainly brightened my day.

And with that I will sign off cause I'm not feeling very yogi-like.

Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
burrito w/ black beans, rice, lettuce, salsa, guacamole
served covered w/ enchilada sauce
(1 pm - work)
Itoen green Tea
2x Hershey's 100 calorie packs
(3 pm - work)

6/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #64
6:30 pm w/ Michele

Tonight's class was freekin' HOT. Michele doesn't open the doors very much either. So I had one of those classes where I felt that my skin was melting off. I felt dizzy during several of the postures and I even contemplated sitting out camel completely. But then my work ethic got the best of me and I tried the pose for about half of the time in each set.

During class Michele told us that when she got pregnant with her son she stopped doing Bikram because she had, had a previous miscarriage. She let herself eat whatever she wanted and gained 60 lbs. Now Michele is not a big girl. If I had to guess I'd say maybe 5'4". And I think that I've mentioned before that she has *the* most incredible body. Like she could model Brazilian bikinis and get paid for it if she wanted to.

She told us that once she went back to doing Bikram every day she lost her baby weight in 4 months! This give me solid hope. I want to lose another 60 lbs or so. And the fact that she looks this good after losing 60 lbs makes me even more confident about what I might be able to accomplish with my own body through losing the total of 80-90 lbs that is my ultimate goal.

Back to meditation #25 and the idea of humility. Gates says that, "Our postures become the embodiment of the exquisite balance between holding on and letting go, action and nonaction, ambition and restraint." He is so spot on with this. I am working on finding this balance in every class. And I'm already seeing the effects spill over into my daily life. This is after just 6-7 weeks of regular practice. I am excited to see what will happen a year into it and 5 years and 10 and even more.


Today's Weight: 211.0

TOTAL OF 25 POUNDS LOST SO FAR



Today's Food Choices:
fresh pineapple
(10 am - work)
Teeccino w/ vanilla soy milk
(11:30 - work)
3 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic butter
(1:30 pm - work)
Snickers bar
bag of Fritos
Itoen green tea
(3:30 pm - work)
small bowl of rice w/ Earth Balance
(8:30 pm - home)

5/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #63
8:15 pm w/ Kevo

Tough class tonight for me. Kevo sped through the dialogue cause it was St. Patrick's Day, the class was small, and I'm sure he wanted to go out and join the revelry. The limited rest between postures made it much more cardio-intensive for me. But I think my bigger issue was too much sugar again today. I felt nauseous and out of breath throughout the class. And I really wanted to sit out several postures - especially when it came to spine strengthen series. But I did not. ;))

I am pretty spent and still need to study more. So I'm going to cut this short. More insights on Meditation #25 to come another day.


Today's Weight: 213.0


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate frosting
(10:00 am - The Patisserie)
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, melon
Cranberry Jubilee trail mix
(12 pm - work)
green salad w/ carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions
sesame seed roll
(4 pm - work)
hot chocolate w/ soy milk
slice of coconut cake
(6:30 pm - Coffee Talk)

4/60

MEDITATION #25

Bikram Kaimuki - class #62
8:15 pm w/ Michele

Good class again tonight. Very hot and steamy. I felt strong and even got a compliment from Michele on my standing bow. Chatted it up in the lobby after with a couple fellow yogi's - which I don't usually do. Michele asked how much weight I've lost and told me how great I was doing. Which, of course, I already know. But hearing it really made my night.

This is right in line with something that I have already been thinking about for the last couple of days. Sometimes I re-read my blog and feel like I sound terribly vain and ego-centered. I know, in all honesty, that I am certainly neither of those things. But sometimes I almost feel guilty for the glee I feel when I look in the mirror and see the slimmer, fitter body staring back at me.

It's sort of like I'm afraid that I will turn into some kind of brainless Barbie-doll type if I continue to lose weight and shape up. Yes - I do know how completely and utterly ridiculous that is. But somewhere in my childhood or adolescence I got it stuck in my head that it was bad or at least silly to want to look good.

Major news flash - I DO want to look good. We all do. And on the one had I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But on the other hand I feel on some deep level that I shouldn't care so much about my outward appearance. This is something I struggle with. Weird, huh? But also pretty typical of the contradictory messages we are bombarded with from the time we are very young.

That brings me to today's meditation which is about pride. Gates talks about how putting truthfulness into practice during yoga is an exercise in humility. But he also says that humility has two sides. There is the letting go of the good as well as the bad. But the aspect he discusses that really hit me is that humility is also the awareness that we cannot afford to play small.

I feel that this is sort of what I've been doing. For the last several years I've been kind of just hanging out. I've used the extra weight as an excuse not to go out into the world and interact more with people. I've used food to comfort me instead of dealing with my emotions head on. Today's Daily Om deals with this exact issue - using outside influences to numb your feelings. WOW. I am really getting a double or even triple whammy here. I think that I should revist this meditation again tomorrow because there is so much for me to contemplate and sit with.


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10:00 am - The Patisserie)
green salad w/ tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, & onions
(2 pm - work)
8 oz Kombucha
(5:30 pm - work)

3/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #61
6:30 pm w/ Noa

I got another body wrap today. Didn't do measurements, but I feel really slim. In yoga class I couldn't help noticing that the reflection staring back at me looked much thinner. ;))

Noa taught a great class. She is a tough little girl. She's really big on staying calm and in control between postures. I've often witnessed her call people out for drinking water and wiping their faces too much. Personally, I appreciate her reminders to "just breathe and act like nothing happened" especially after giving my all in a tough posture. I had a solid class. I even held both sets of Camel for the full time. And I almost held Standing Bow-Pulling for the full time in second set. Ahh, the small things that make me happy these days.

Speaking of which, I had a delightful lunch with my friend, Suzy, today. And yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon with my friend, Joy, who accompanied my to get my "nose job" as she likes to call it. I am feeling so blessed to have these two wonderful ladies in my life.

But now I really must study because I have an exam Wednesday. So I'm going to cut this entry short.

Aloha, Thanks for reading, and Namaste.



Today's Weight: 214.0


Today's Food Choices:
1 banana
Itoen green tea
(10:00 am - 7-11)
ginger soup
Thai vegetables w/ rice
Thai basil w/ red chili & tofu
(12 pm - Phuket Thai)
1 small brownie
(5:30 pm - home)
3 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but no cheese
(9:30 pm - Papa John's)

2/60

MEDITATION #24

Bikram Kaimuki - class #60
11 am w/ Kevo

I had a great class today. Yes, Kevo is still my favorite even though he's the hardest. The more I take his class the better I get. It's not that the other teachers don't help me improve or try to push us in class. It's just that I always seem to work harder w/ Kevo.

In other news, I got my nose pierced today. It was kind of a whim, although I've thought about doing it on and off for quite a while. I wanted to celebrate losing 20 lbs for good. This is a nice little reminder that I am returning to my old self but at the same time I'm embarking on a journey to a newer, truer version of me. It is also a tribute to my funky and creative and rebellious side. And it was totally no big deal. It did bleed a bit cause it's on the face. But in all, was not that different from piercing your ear. I got a small diamond-looking clear gem stud. Very tasteful and delicate. I LOVE IT!!!

Having the courage to get my nose done made me decide that I'm *finally* going to bite the bullet and get the stay human logo tattoo on my ankle that I've wanted for years now. I think that I'll get it done when I reach 40 lbs lost. Hopefully, that will coincide with my trip to San Francisco after this 60 day challenge is finished. The tattoo will be my next little reward for myself and memento of the new phase of my life I'm beginning. I'm a little scared but also very excited.

Today's meditation talks about letting go of pretense and telling the truth about ourselves as part of the concept of satya. Gates speaks about, "holy moments when we come out of hiding and allow ourselves to simply be truthful with another human being without trying to be cool." I think that yoga helps with the ability to just be without pretense. But I still find myself needing to be cool. I do strive to be authentic above all else. But some days even that is a struggle. Interesting the many layers to an idea so seemingly simple and straightforward as "truth".


Today's Weight: 215.5 - before yoga
Today's Weight: 212.5 - after yoga ;))

TOTAL OF 23.5 POUNDS LOST SO FAR



Today's Food Choices:
green & peppermint combo tea
(10 am - home)
spicy veggie roll
tempura veggie roll
tempura shrimp roll
1/2 California roll
(2:30 pm - Sushi Man)
scoop raspberry sorbet
(4:30 pm - Bubbies)
2 glasses champagne
(7 pm - home)
pineapple, spinach, acai, orange juice smoothie
(9 pm - home)

1/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #59
6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Well it's official. Tonight I started my first ever 60 Day Challenge. I also just found out that my sister and her family will be coming to Maui the last week of April. Which means I'll have to bank some doubles so that I don't have to worry about yoga when I go over to meet up with them for a long weekend. No matter. I am psyched to see them and I am psyched to complete this challenge. I've just got to plan ahead from day one.

I haven't had Kevo as a teacher in a while. And tonight's class still went surprising well. I didn't hold the super long version of camel. But I did try my best in all of the postures. I even held his long version of all 3 parts of Awkward - so I was proud of myself for that. And I wasn't completely dead tired by the time we hit the floor - so I must be learning to pace myself better. I may try to make his class again tomorrow. I sort of missed being pushed past my limits.

Looking at my food choices I just realized that I didn't eat any vegetables today. How did I let that happen? Wow. I really need to make sure that I get in at least one big green salad per day. I know my body needs it. Maybe I'll make a green smoothie tomorrow morning before I head out to yoga to try to start making up for the lack of live enzymes today.

It's been a long day so I think I'm going to crash. I will go into the next day's meditation tomorrow. I figure it'd better wait until I'm a little bit more articulate.

Aloha & Namaste


Today's Weight: 216.5


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10:00 am The Patisserie)
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, grapes
3 oatmeal cookies
(1 pm - work)
bag of baked Chex Mix
Aloha Maid iced tea w/ lemon
(4 pm - work)
microwave popcorn
(9 pm - home)

MEDITATION #23 (RE-REDUX)

I took a sick day from work today. I woke up all achy and feverish. Thought I might be coming down with something but it turned out just to be the return of my monthly friend. I've been crampy and bloated and really low energy all day. So tonight I decided to have a glass of wine or two and skip yoga. I don't think I could handle a Kevo class right now.

I have decided to start my first ever 60 day challenge tomorrow. Why wait a week til St. Patrick's Day? Time is of the essence. If I feel strong I'll keep going for a total of 64 days straight before my trip to the mainland. The goal is to make at least 120 classes prior to leaving. 60+ added to the 58 I've already completed for the year. Then I will plan to do 4 classes while I'm gone - most likely 2 at El Cerrito and 2 at San Rafael.

I am excited. I think that right now I really need the discipline that committing to a 60 day challenge entails. And I appreciate the advice and well wishes from those of you who have completed your own challenge. ;))

Back to meditation #23 in Gates' book. I've been thinking a lot over the last several days about being truthful in thought, word, and deed. This proves to be an area of difficulty for me. Which just means that I've got to work harder at it and give it more attention. I am noticing more when I'm not being completely honest or authentic - so I guess that's the first step.


Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ soy milk & vanilla syrup
kona chocolate chip pancakes
(1:30 am Cafe Mulvadi)
breakfast potatoes w/ salsa & guacamole
(3 pm - home)
2 glasses pinot grigio
vegetarian samosa
vegetarian pakoras
vegetarian padum
(8 pm - Cafe Taj Mahal)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #58
8:15 pm w/ Michele

I was hurting in class tonight. I felt nauseous and dizzy from the first breathing exercise. It was also extra hot, so I knew I was in trouble from the very beginning. I cut a bunch of the postures short, but amazingly did not miss any of them.

I'm pretty sure I had way too much sugar throughout the day combined with not enough fruits and veggies. And to make matters worse, I didn't drink nearly enough water. But come to think of it, I also did not take my Yoga Body supplements or my Biomins - not even once - so that could have contributed.

Tonight in class Michele shared that her first 30 days of taking Bikram she used to throw up in the parking lot after class because she was detoxing so heavily. HMMM. I've puked after running or swimming but never after yoga. Tonight after class I felt the closest I ever have to yoga induced vomitus. I stayed in final savasana extra long and tried to breathe really slow and deep. I still felt pretty whacked when I finally did get up but didn't get sick. I took an EmergenC dissolved in water when I got home and that seemed to help a little.

Today I ordered vegetarian pho soup for lunch and when I got back to the office realized they had given me chicken by mistake. I didn't have time or energy to walk back over to Baile so I just picked out as much of the chicken as I could. I don't think that had anything to do with my evening nausea but who knows?

I am really exhausted so I will revisit meditation #23 tomorrow. Namaste and Goodnight.

Today's Weight: 214.5
(somehow just like that I'm back down again!)


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate frosting
(10:30 am The Patisserie)
chicken pho soup
(2 pm - Baile)
peanut butter bar w/ chocolate chips
hot chocolate w/ soy milk
(7 pm - Coffee Talk)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #57
8:15 w/ Jeremy

I really felt bad for Jeremy tonight. He came in to teach the 6:30 class as a favor and then the teacher for the 8:15 class didn't show up so he stayed to teach that one, too. He was not happy but didn't let it affect his dialogue. What a friggin pro - I am so grateful and more than a little bit impressed. He guided us through a solid practice like it was the first class he'd taught all day when in reality it was his fifth. He is totally my hero right now.

Makes me feel even more like shite for missing 2 days in a row of yoga. And I didn't blog yesterday, either so I am a little disappointed with myself. In my defense, I missed A & P lecture as well last night because I was feeling crappy. Not to mention it was raining and there were flash flood warnings for the entire island of Oahu. But I broke my cardinal rule. I realize that what matters is not how you fall but how quickly you get back up in the saddle. So I'm going to make this a 2 day slump rather than a week long one. Instead of berating myself I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and get right back on track like nothing happened.

I am actually thinking seriously about starting a 60 day challenge before my trip to California. I am inspired by reading the blogs about challenges you all have done or are currently doing. I've got between now and St. Patrick's Day to decide, which is 60 days out from the day I leave. For the time being I will try to get back to basics. I will go to yoga for the next 6 days in a row. Then allow myself one day off Monday 3/16. Then most likely start the challenge Tuesday 3/17. I will also try not to worry so much about food while still avoiding animal products. It's a tall order, but my success has everything to do with my attitude. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to do my best in every situation.

I've got to get back into the mindset that yoga is non-negotiable. Meat and dairy are also non-negotiable. I need to stop with the head games and little bargains I make with myself. The "I'll start fresh tomorrow and be super good" rationale that makes slipping up allowable. I was - no *I am* - doing really good. I'm well on my way to reaching my goal weight and getting my body into prime shape. But I've still got a ways to go. There is much more work to be done. I can't rest on my laurels. I've got to keep on keeping on. So that is precisely what I'm going to do.



Today's Food Choices:
hazelnut coffee w/ soy milk & sugar in the raw
banana nut muffin
(9 am Cafe 1132)
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, melon
(12 pm - work)
veggie burger
green salad
brown rice & peanut butter rice crispy treat
(2:30 pm - Umeke)
2x Hershey's 100 calorie packs
(5:30 pm - work)

MEDITATION #23 (REDUX)

I didn't go to yoga class today. I was planning to make it to the 9 am but didn't get up early enough. I really wanted to go swimming, but it ended up raining off and on intermittently. Kind of a lame and lazy day. I spent a lot of time studying in between playing around on the computer. I did get laundry done and I gave Buddha a bath. So at least I was relatively productive.

I appreciate your comments about my "angry yogini" day yesterday. I am still a bit surprised at how strongly I felt over something that is so minor in the grand scheme of life. Today I began thinking about something that I've heard over and over in the past from several different sources: Whatever you project is what you get back. The world is a mirror, the people that get under you skin the most are the ones who reflect aspects of yourself that you don't like or don't want to face.

HMMM. It is certainly true that I am terribly afraid of being perceived as inconsiderate and/or rude. Maybe this lady was a reminder to me of what not to do in yoga class. Maybe I need to steer clear of that little part of me who relies too heavily on what I see reflected back in the mirror. But more than that I think that this was a good opportunity for me to release judgment and to stop thinking that I should be in charge of the universe. Because there lies an absolute perfection in what is. Not in what I think should be. Or in this case how I think someone else should act.

I've also been further contemplating the concept of satya. Gates says that, "As the layers of falsehood fall away, an intimacy develops with our own truth." Right now I feel like I am still disconnected from my truth. I'm very attached to my story and to my plan and to my identity as I see it. But what do any of these have to do with my truth? Yoga has helped me to feel more grounded in my body. But my mind still eludes me. It flutters about like a hapless butterfly, tossed to and fro on temperamental breezes.

My birthday is on the last day of Gemini, so according to astrology I have a lot of "air" qualities to me. That is one of the reasons that this yoga is so good for me. I need grounding. I need to work through stability and process. There is a comfort in coming to the same class and doing the same postures everyday. Now if I could just quiet my restless mind. Laying off some of the caffeine certainly wouldn't hurt.

I think that some of the mental chatter is a diversionary tactic so that I don't take a hard look at myself. There are a lot of aspects of my life that I am not happy with. I am working to change them day by day, but sometimes it seems like a really tough road. So my ego gets caught up in drama with external forces beyond my control. But I also think this means that the ego is running scared. It sees that I am serious about making lasting changes this time. And that I am following through rather than endless planning with no action. I believe that's why things like happened yesterday come up. But I am not going to be derailed. The next time I am in that room I will be even more focused. I will try my darndest to keep a tighter grip on my thoughts. And over time, with practice, it will get easier and easier. Until one day this is all second nature.


Today's Weight: 218.5


Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ soy milk & vanila syrup
Kona chocolate chip pancakes
(10:30 am Mulvadi Cafe)
bag of Fritos
(2 pm - home)
vegetable briyani
vegetable curry
(7 pm - leftovers @ home)
microwave popcorn
2 small brownies
(9 pm - home)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #56
4:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I really didn't feel like going to yoga today. I took a nap after having a late brunch and didn't want to motivate. Boy am I glad that I did. First of all, I didn't break my no-skipping-more-than-one-day-in-a-row rule. Second, I felt great after. Third, it was quite a learning experience for me. During class I was in a complete funk, which I'll explain below. Class wasn't too hard physically but mentally it was difficult for me.

Let me just begin by saying that most of the regulars at my studio are truly wonderful. But there are several who kind of have a "yogi-er than thou" attitude. I get that they've been practicing for many years and they've seen people - both students and teachers - come and go, blah, blah, blah. That doesn't mean that they are any more important or entitled to be there.

One of this second type of regulars came in too late to take her usual place up front today. So she decides to set up next to me in the second row. I moved over a bit to give her room. But then she proceeded to inch over closer and closer to me after each posture so that she could see herself better in the mirror. No concern that she might be blocking the view of the person behind her. No concern that she could be invading my space. I scooted my mat over a couple of additional times because I felt like she was right on top of me. GRRRRR. Very annoyed.

All class long I was worrying about what was going to happen in full locust when we had to spread our arms to the side like a 747 taking off. Then getting into the posture the girl on my other side gave me a little smile and staggered herself forward. Problem solved. I staggered back and the annoying lady staggered forward. I had spent the entire 70+ minutes up until that point worrying about something that turned out to be a non-issue.

How is it that I could let my peace and good humor be disrupted so easily? I was seriously shooting daggers at this woman the entire class, wallowing in self-righteousness and indignation. Through it all I'm pretty sure that she was completely oblivious. It was only myself that got all worked up into a tussle. Towards the end of the class after the situation w/ full locust had been resolved, I started actively trying my very best to embrace compassion and even love. The only thing that worked to turn my thoughts around was for me to imagine my dog and how completely loving I feel toward her. (I posted the picture above to show you what I mean.) How could I continue to be angry when I had that precious face in my mind? Buddha- bazoodle to the rescue.

Once we hit the floor for final savasana, the teacher had barely stopped talking when this lady popped up and was stomping across the room to the back to get her stuff. But then she was gone. And just like that her type A, pushy, overbearing energy was gone too. At this point I was able to crack a smile and almost ready to laugh a little.

WOW. I am sure that I do things that irritate others while in class. But from now on I will try to be especially mindful not to disturb anyone's peace. And now that I've vented a little I will try to let all this go so that I can keep my own peace as well the next time something like this happens to me in class.


Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ milk & sugar
macadamia nut pancakes
(12 pm - Big City Diner)
vegetable briyani
vegetable curry
vegetble samosa
(7 pm - leftovers @ home)
2 pieces veggie pizza
(9 pm - home)

MEDITATION #23

Well I missed another stinkin' class. I got caught up at work until 6 pm and didn't have enough time to make it for the 6:30 class. And since there is no late class on Fridays I was SOL. Damn. This is the first week that I've missed 3 classes since I started this yoga journey. I don't like missing that many. Maybe I will do a double tomorrow to make it up because I *really* don't want to fall below 5 classes a week unless I'm either sick or on vacation. Six is the goal, five is passable now and then, but four just isn't enough while I'm in weight loss mode.

I think it is Susan Powter that says that you need to do an aerobic activity a minimum of 3x per week just to maintain. 4-5x per week will increase your metabolism. But 6x a week provides triple the fat burning benefits. Hence six is the magic number. I really enjoyed her book, "The Politics of Stupid" - btw. She has a lot of excellent insights about what it takes to replace over-fat and unfit with slim, healthy, and vibrant. I highly reccomend checking her out. I find her to be very motivational and real life.

On the bright side, I weighed myself this morning and I am actually down a half pound from a couple days ago. How the heck did that happen!?!! I feel like I've been on a little bit of a bender when it comes to eating lately. I've indulged in dairy a couple of times, I've been eating too much sugar and caffeine, I've been eating too late in the day, and I've been eating too large a quantity of food in one sitting. How, then, did I not gain? Is it that my body actually needs more calories due to my increase in activity? Or is my metabolism revved up so that I burn more calories or at least burn my food more efficiently? I do have to say that I'm eating far less than I did before starting on this path. The amount of food I got at Cafe Taj Mahal last night used to be 2 meals for me. Now I am able to stretch it to 4 and still feel like I'm eating a large quantity. Anyway, I am thrilled that I didn't go up. Hopefully I will be down again tomorrow.

Today's meditation introduces the second yama of satya or truth. I actually have a friend named, Satya, and I never realized what the word meant. Quite lovely, actually. Gates says that at first we will begin to practice satya from the outside in. He tells us that, "Little by little we notice and then drop our habits of embellishment, obfuscation, minimization, self-aggrandizement, omission, rationalization, and exaggeration." Oh really - is that all? This is a giant bugaboo for me. I hate to admit that I'm prone to every single one of these habits at times. But I guess that's the point. We all are. I need to replace my initial resistance with a willingness to be aware of these behaviors. And next a willingness to let each one go. Gates also says that eventually, once we get the hang of practicing the truth, then we will actually begin to live satya from the inside out. Oh, to see that day.


Today's Weight: 215.5


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
chocolate filled glazd doughnut
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, & grapes
(9 am - The Patisserie)
2 small bags of popcorn
12 pm - at the consumer fair I was working)
tostada salad w/ crispy fried tostada shell
beans, lettuce, rice, grilled peppers & onions, salsa
(2 pm - Just Tacoes)
vegetable briyani
vegetable curry
naan bread
(8 pm - leftovers @ home)

MEDITATION #22 (REDUX)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #55
6:30 pm w/ Tom

I had a decent class w/ Tom tonight. I ate way too much today and really didn't want to go to class because of it. I started to come up with all kinds of excuses not to go. But my dedication triumphed in the end.

I was in a big hurry this morning so I slid into McDonald's instead of one of my usual am spots. Damn. Way too much dairy, again, in the form of a large vanilla iced coffee. My problem is that once I slip, I think it's OK to slip again. The first slip, no matter how small or seemingly unimportant, sets a dangerous precedent.

The rest of the day didn't go too badly. I was really craving nachoes for lunch but I got pho instead. I'd like to credit sheer will power, but this was at least in part because the line was out the friggin door at the Mexican place. But then I went and had another big meal after yoga. Too many calories too late in the evening. I will be sure to weigh in tomorrow in the morning to see how badly I've been affected.

Starting tomorrow I have decided that I need to get serious again. No more missing classes when I haven't scheduled myself to miss them. I am also going to stick to a much simpler menu that has me eating out only for lunch. And when I do eat out I will choose from just a handful of options. I am determined to get myself firmly, solidly back on track.

On another note, I've decided to postpone my trip to California. I was planning to go in March when I have spring break but that's a couple of weeks before a 150 participant student event that I'm in charge of. The way the planning has been going so far I know that I'm going to need to be here for last minute stuff that's bound to come up.

So I will be going to the Bay Area at the end of May instead. School will be finished and there isn't a lot happening at work during that time frame. That gives me 10 solid weeks to make some serious headway towards my weight loss and fitness goals before I go to see my family. I want to be trimmer and much more fit even than I am now. I can do this. I've just got to buckle down.

Another aspect of meditation #22 is that we are able to hear only what we are ready to take in. I've been thinking a lot about that today. Gates uses a great quote from David Allen to illustrate this point, "Information is always available, but we are not always available to the information." I guess that could be the converse of the old adage, "When the student is ready the master will appear." Pretty powerful stuff. And the manner in which I came to this yoga is a perfect illustration of the truth in it.

I actually took a hatha yoga class way back when I was just a couple years out of high school. I hated it and never went back. I came from a background of competitive swimming and classical ballet training and that particular experience of yoga was no where near as intense or results oriented or creative, etc... as I was used to in a workout. So I made up my mind that I didn't like yoga. Period. I took up distance running instead.

Fast forward 16 or 17 years. I read an article about Lisa Rinna and how she was a huge advocate of yoga. She was on Dancing with the Stars, and at 42 years old had a hotter body and more charisma than any of the 20 something professional dancer types. I wanted to know how she got that incredible physique. Amazingly, to me, she credited yoga of all things. The workout that I had decided wasn't hard enough for me. That was when I got my first inkling that maybe there was something more to the yoga stuff than my one experience of it. But I was still caught up with the notion that running was the most efficient form of exercise, even though I was no longer consistent with it and the pounding was starting to take its toll on my body as I gained weight.

A few years after that I stumbled upon the Bikram Studio in Kailua while looking for the bathroom upstairs from the salad place I was eating at. The studio was closed at the time but something made me grab a flier even though it was clear across town from where I live. That night I began to explore the BYCOI official website and something clicked in my head. A few days later I went in to try my first class at the Kaimuki studio.

I loved it from the first day and purchased a monthly unlimited pass. I went 4-5 days a week for a couple of months but then fell off the wagon due to long work hours. For the next couple of years I would go to class very sporadically. I'd buy a monthly one month and then take several months off. But I knew that there was really something to this yoga. The endorphin high was similar to running a marathon but the physicality of it, while difficult, was accessible.

I bought Bikram's latest book and read it cover to cover in one sitting. I even had it autographed when he was here in Honolulu promoting it. I purchased the audio cd version of the beginner class and went through weeks of practicing 3-4 mornings before work followed by weeks of not getting in a single workout. I started to read yoga blogs and especially enjoyed Jenn's account of Teacher Training. But still I didn't fully commit a regular practice.

I don't know what made me decide that 2009 was the year, but I am so thankful for whatever it was. I truly cannot imagine going back. This yoga has been a lifesaver for me. I didn't even realize how depressed and out of touch with my body I had become. Until - after just a few consecutive classes - it was like a cloud lifted and suddenly I felt the contrast of being grounded and at peace. I have embraced this as my new way of life. Yoga makes everything else work better.

It's nice to reminisce about the synchronicity of how it all came together. The information was available to me for a very long time but it is just recently that I am fully available to the information.


Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
2 hash brown patties
(9 am - McDonald's)
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, grapes
(10:30 am - work)
vegetarian pho soup
(1:30 pm - Baile)
Itoen green tea
2x Hershey's 100 calorie pack
(4:30 pm - work)
vegetable curry
vegetable briyani
naan bread
veggie samosa
(9 pm - Cafe Taj Mahal)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #54
8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

Another good class. I was dead tired all day long for some reason (hence the extra caffeine & sugar). Somehow I made it through A&P lecture and then a nice steamy Jeremy class. He even made me laugh a couple of times during postures which doesn't happen a whole lot. Good temperature, good pace, good vibe. Just an all around enjoyable class. And I held standing bow pulling for just a hair short of the full time on each leg during the second set - so I was kinda stoked on that. ;))

Thank you for your wonderful comments. It is so good to know that there are other like-minded people on a similar path. I love reading the blogs and being part of this lovely community. Each of you *honestly* are an inspiration to me.

I'm pretty much exhausted so I'm won't delve any deeper into yesterday's meditation until tomorrow. Goodnight, Aloha, & Namaste.


Today's Food Choices:
macadamia nut coffee w/ soy milk & raw sugar
cherry croissant
(9 am - 1132 Cafe)
portabello mushroom sandwich w/ pesto & roasted peppers
green salad w/ vinaigrette dressing
(1:30 pm - Umeke Market)
baked Chex Mix
Aloha Maid iced tea w/ lemon
(4 pm - work)
piece of coconut cake - OMG to die for!
hot chocolate w/ soy milk
(7 pm - Coffee Talk)

MEDITATION #22

I decided to take another night off. I went to the grocery store after work and not straight to yoga class like I know I should. Because once I get home there's always a chance that I'll lose motivation. When I pack my stuff and take it with me in the morning then I have no excuse not to go to the studio. But lately I'm telling myself things like, "I'll go to 8:15 class because so and so is teaching" or "I don't like 6:30 class because it's too crowded." Bottom line - I'm much more likely to make it to class if I don't stop off at home first.

It also appears that my little slip up w/ the cheesecake the other night is still haunting me. I am totally breaking out. My back, my scalp, my forehead. It's ridiculous. I usually have pretty clear skin, but right now I am seriously detoxing from something. And the only thing that I've done that is significantly different is the dairy in that damn cheesecake. Just another indicator (as if I really needed yet another) that I should steer clear. It obviously does not agree with my body.

Today's meditation is summed in the concept that ignorance creates all other obstacles. The quote from Gates that struck me the most was, "I felt I could spend a hundred lifetimes just refining my own ability to have a good day." God, he could be talking about me. I see the progress that I have made but realize that there is an infinite amount more to work on. I am not perfect, non of us are. I comfort myself in the fact that at least I am aware of how far I still have to go. The learning and growing is never really over. This meditation has so many levels. I think that, once again, I am going to sit with it for another day to let the different facets percolate in my brain.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
vanilla hazelnut coffee w/ soy milk
blueberry croissant
(9 am - 1132 Cafe)
burrito w/ black beans, guacamole, rice, lettuce, salsa
grilled and covered in enchilada sauce
Itoen green tea
(1:30 pm - Taqueria Ramirez)
Pasta Roni olive oil & vermicelli
w/ frozen veggies mixed in
(8 pm - home)

MEDITATION #21

Bikram Kaimuki - class #53
8:15 pm w/ Michele

Tonight's class was pretty mellow. Nothing major to report. It wasn't too hot and Michele didn't hold any of the poses too, too long. Not a cake walk, but another semi auto-pilot class. There were several new students so she demonstrated proper form for quite a few of the postures - which is always a good reminder for me. My knee was still feeling a little weird but I powered through anyway. Fearlessly, but not recklessly as Kevo would say.

I also had a couple of the regulars comment to me how good I'm doing and that I'm looking much slimmer - which was a nice little ego boost. I realize that the changes are happening but it's especially validating when it gets to the point where other people start to notice. Gives me an extra ounce of motivation to keep up with what I'm doing.

Today's meditation in a nutshell is about learning to go where you have to go. Gates tells us that the obstacles in our path *are* the path. He also says, "Every time we stretch beyond our resistance and our fear we make a choice for life. And every time we choose life, we find that fear loses its grip on us." I just love that. Incremental choices, incremental changes. Actions that add up piece by piece, moment by moment. And before long nothing in my life will ever be the same as it was before I started on this journey.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate frosting
(10 am - The Patisserie)
vegetarian spring rolls
Vietnamese noodles w/ lettuce & bean sprouts
(2 pm - Star Vietnam Pho)
strawberry, banana, apple juice smoothie
(7 pm - Coffee Talk)

MEDITATION #20

No class for me today. My back was hurting a little and I decided to take the day off. I also went to Suddenly Slimmer to get a body wrap this morning. Not a lot of fun, but I feel like they can be effective when combined with a weight loss plan. Back when I was working for LA Weight Loss I'd recommend them for women who complained about the under arm waddle that often comes from losing weight. Now, mind you, I would always tell them that working out and losing the weight slowly are by far the best prevention for loose and sagging skin. But body wraps can certainly help. I am going to try to get 1 or 2 per month because they work to tighten everything up a little. I'm happy to report that I lost several inches today - most notably 2" on my hips.

In today's meditation Gates talks about how the yamas and niyamas may seem difficult to master at first glance but that they are really in keeping with our nature. He says that to live with these restraints and observances is actually a relief. He gives an example of how he began talking to strangers at the grocery store because he was thinking about the concept that we are not really separate from other people. He mentions that his fear of strangers has been an aspect of suffering in his life - which really rang true for me.

I find that in periods where I am confident about myself I tend to reach out to strangers a whole lot more. But I have not felt entirely good about the way I look for a long time now. I don't want to sound vain, but my self esteem is very closely tied to my appearance. Or at least to how I feel about how I look. I mean, I *know* that I'm a beautiful and interesting person on one level. But I don't feel like I'm presenting the true image of who I am when my body is fat and out of shape. By doing this yoga I am shedding the mask to reveal the real me. And as the layers come off my confidence increases and my personality becomes more expansive.

I slipped tonight and had a small piece of cheesecake. It has been sitting in our fridge since last Sunday when we had people over to watch the Oscar's and I didn't touch it for a whole week. But tonight I broke down and had a little piece. Which really wasn't that tasty - not nearly as good as I thought it would be. I need to remember this the next time I am really tempted. The food I think I want will rarely live up to my expectations. So I really need to weigh whether it will be worth deviating from my chosen eating patterns to indulge in food that isn't good for me.

Today's Weight: 214.5


Today's Food Choices:
Itoen green tea
(10 am - home)
peanut butter & jelly sandwich
15 baby carrots
(1 pm - home)
spaghetti w/ marinara sauce & frozen veggies
(5 pm - home)
piece of cheesecake
(8 pm home)