15 & 16/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #73
Friday 6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Bikram Kaimuki - class #74
Saturday 4:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I brought my friend, Suzy, to yoga Friday and then she brought her friend, Anne, today. Both really liked it and signed up for the $30 intro special. They're going to try to come every day for the 30 days. Wow. Usually it's hit or miss with friends. My roommate who I brought over a year ago absolutely hated it. She tried 2 classes but then never wanted to come back. She is much more into the flow vinyasa style a la Bapiste. To each his own, though - you know?

Two solid classes for me. Lately, I have been getting my forehead much more squarely on my knee during standing separate leg stretching. Today I actually grabbed my knee on both sides during spine twisting. Got a compliment from Jeremy on my form in standing bow-pulling. That is probably my favorite posture. I can't keep my standing leg completely locked the whole time and I usually fall out after about 20 seconds in the full expression. But I am able to stretch my foot way back and over my head so I actually look pretty good in this pose. This excites me because I can see myself making it to a full standing split sometime in the distant future. I have a background in ballet and I used to be able to do the splits against a wall. That was years and years ago - but if I was able to do it at one time I am determined that I will get there again.

In addition I went swimming today at the pool by my house. I did 1100 yards at a leisurely pace - which is not really a lot for me. I want to work up to doing 1700 yards which is about a mile. It felt really good to be outside and to be in the water. Water energizes me. I love the smell of chlorine, too. I know that sounds funny but it reminds me of swim team. I did find that I was extra hot in yoga - probably from getting a little sun this afternoon.

We observed Earth Hour from 8:30-9:30 tonight by turning off all our lights throughout the whole house. We actually sat down and shared a glass of wine and conversation by candlelight. It was very nice. May try to make it a regular practice. Hawaii is a little apathetic, though. It didn't seem like many people here were willing sacrifice their electricity for an hour on a Sat night. Oh well. We put our good intention out there and that's what matters.



Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla soy milk
kona chocolate chip pancakes
(11 am - home)
taco salad w/ lettuce, salsa, beans, rice, guacamole
served in a cripsy tostada shell
(6:30 pm - Cafe Mulvadi)
1 glass Calumbia Crest pinot noir
(8:30 pm - home)

13 & 14/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #71
Wednesday 8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

Bikram Kaimuki - class #72
Thursday 6:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I love Jeremy. He's probably my favorite teacher if I had to pick one. Not much to report from either class. Both were solid and neither too crowded. Last night I stayed in camel for the full time both sets - but I do that a lot these days, I'd say at least 2/3 of the time. Tonight I stayed in triangle for the full time both sides - which I've been doing about half of the time lately. I did - for the first time ever tonight - touch my knee in spine twisting on both sides. I kind of shifted the way I was sitting and what do you know? There was my knee. Exciting stuff.

I've been slipping back way too much into the dairy again lately. I read somewhere that milk has feel good hormones intended to increase bonding between the calf and its mother. These basically have the effect of an opiate on the human system. When people say that they are addicted to dairy - that actually has some physiological truth to it. And with cheese it's worse since it is a much more condensed product.

I know that I am so much better off going cold turkey. So tomorrow I will do just that. Again, butter will be the exception because it is a much weaker product since it's just the oil run-off. But even that has got to be in moderation. I will also try to step my consumption of fruits and vegetables way up and avoid processed food. That should get my weight moving in the downward direction again.



Today's Weight: 211.5

Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
cinnamon roll
(9 am - McDonald's)
falafalel w/ pita bread & hummus
Greek salad
(12:30 pm - Leo's Taverna)
8 oz Kombucha
(3:30 pm work)
2 small brownines
(8:30 pm - home)

11 & 12/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #69
Monday 8:15 pm w/ Michele

Bikram Kaimuki - class #70
Tuesday 8:15 pm w/ Kevo

Sorry for not posting yesterday. I did not miss class. It's just that my work is going to be a little crazy for the next couple of weeks. WE're gearing up for one of our biggest events of the year. So I will try to post my classes and food but will have to keep the longer posts for the weekend.

Hope everybody's doing well in their own respecticve practices and challenges. ;))

Today's Weight: 212.5

Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
2 hashbrown patties
(9 am - Mc Donald's)
tofu & vegetables w/ long rice
(12:30 pm - Baile)
1 Ghiradelli's dark chocolate w/ caramel
1 Ghiradelli's dark chocolate w/ mint
(3:30 pm work)
1 piece home made manicotti
(6:30 pm - home)

9 & 10/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #67
9 am w/ Jeremy

Bikram Kaimuki - class #68
6:30 pm w/ Noa

Two decent classes today. The AM class was uber crowded. I think they set a studio record or something. Jeremy was wonderful as usual. I don't like crowded classes so it was a little bit of struggle for me to make the best of it. I did get several compliments on my form, specifically in standing bow pulling and triangle. The PM class was almost too small - just 16 people. I tried to kind of cruise through cause I was feeling stiff and sore. Probably went a little too deep into my back in the first class. But I still had a good, focused practice without sitting out any postures.

Tonight Noa also commented that I have been really consistent in coming to class and how far I've progressed. Always nice to hear. She probably notices it more cause I only take her class maybe once a week or so. And it's hard not to feel like a rockstar when you've just completed 2 classes in one day. One double down and five more to go.

Again I am really beat so that's going to be all for today.


Today's Weight: 211.5

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
Kona choclate chip pancakes
(12 pm - Cafe Mulvadi)
vegetable briyani
vegetable korma curry
naan bread
(9 pm - leftovers @ home)

8/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #66
4:30 pm w/ Jeremy

Really strong class today. Jeremy is always a good teacher, but when he is on his game he is exceptional. Today was one of those days. The group energy was cohesive and he led us through a flawless dialogue. It wasn't until the end of the class that I found out that it was the fourth class that he had taught for the day. I never would have guessed. The room was super hot but the class wasn't too big. I held the full time on many of the postures - most notably triangle and camel. It could be my mind playing tricks on me but it sure seemed like my body was thanking me for taking a day of rest.

I watched "Rock of Love Bus" on the DVR tonight. It is my favorite trash TV. I just can't get enough. Like one train wreck after another that I am compelled to watch in some sort of horrified fascination. Besides that I don't watch a lot of TV. (At least not until the new season of Entourage.) Movies on Netflix - yes. TV - not so much. Last week I watched "Vicky Christina Barcelona" twice. What a fabulous movie. I think that I will have to add that one to the collection. Next in my que is Milk which I also can't wait to see. Again, such are the silly little things that make me happy these days. ;))

I am gearing up for a double tomorrow so I am going to stop there.


Today's Weight: 212.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
mango macademia nut pancakes
w/ fresh strawberries on top
(11:30 am - Cafe Mulvadi)
vegetable briyani
vegetable samosa
vegetable korma curry
(8 pm - Cafe Taj Mahal)

No class for me today. Which means I have another double to do in addition to the ones I already scheduled in order to make 60 classes in 60 days. =o(

I was planning to go to the 6:30 w/ KEvo. But had a friend invite me to dinner and to check out the new Target. At first I declined, but as the day wore on I changed my mind. I guess the pull of shopping w/ girlfriends got the best of me.

Hawaii just *finally* got its first 2 Target stores last month and there's been so much hype. Maybe it's cause I haven't been a regular Target shopper for the last several years. Maybe I just find ridiculously great bargains when I visit the mainland. Maybe this store is too new to have much clearance stuff yet. Maybe they are still in the process of stocking cuter, hipper merchandise. Maybe Target has just gone downhill. Regardless it was a big disappointment. It was nice to hang out with friends. But I sorta spent the whole evening wishing that I'd gone to yoga.

Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ vanilla syrup & soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10 am - The Patisirrie)
vegetable quiche
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, grapes
(12 pm - work)
green salad w/ carrots, tomatoes, onions, cucumbers
poppy seed roll w/ butter
(3 pm - work)
vermiccelli w/ veggie spring rolls, lettuce, & sprouts
(6:30 pm - Pho One)

7/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #65
8:15 pm

I've only had this teacher (who will remain nameless) once before and didn't really like her class. Tonight was no different. Her energy is low and her voice is monotone. Her cues aren't very strong so everybody kind of goes into and out of postures using their own timing. By the time we made it to the floor I was pretty annoyed.

But then, laying in savasana, it hit me. To my warped mind she sounded a little like Mr. Garrison from South PArk. After I made that connection I had a hard time keeping a straight face. I kept mentally adding "Mmm Kay?" to the end of each sentence and just about cracking up. I am sure she is a lovely person but her style simply doesn't jive with mine. I'll do what I can to avoid her class but try to make the best of it if/when I ever have her as a teacher again.

I had a doctor's appointment this morning and my weight was actually 206 on their scale. 206!!! That's 5 pounds lower than mine and fully clothed at that. I am still going by my scale cause that's what I've been using all along. But it certainly brightened my day.

And with that I will sign off cause I'm not feeling very yogi-like.

Today's Weight: 211.0

Today's Food Choices:
burrito w/ black beans, rice, lettuce, salsa, guacamole
served covered w/ enchilada sauce
(1 pm - work)
Itoen green Tea
2x Hershey's 100 calorie packs
(3 pm - work)

6/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #64
6:30 pm w/ Michele

Tonight's class was freekin' HOT. Michele doesn't open the doors very much either. So I had one of those classes where I felt that my skin was melting off. I felt dizzy during several of the postures and I even contemplated sitting out camel completely. But then my work ethic got the best of me and I tried the pose for about half of the time in each set.

During class Michele told us that when she got pregnant with her son she stopped doing Bikram because she had, had a previous miscarriage. She let herself eat whatever she wanted and gained 60 lbs. Now Michele is not a big girl. If I had to guess I'd say maybe 5'4". And I think that I've mentioned before that she has *the* most incredible body. Like she could model Brazilian bikinis and get paid for it if she wanted to.

She told us that once she went back to doing Bikram every day she lost her baby weight in 4 months! This give me solid hope. I want to lose another 60 lbs or so. And the fact that she looks this good after losing 60 lbs makes me even more confident about what I might be able to accomplish with my own body through losing the total of 80-90 lbs that is my ultimate goal.

Back to meditation #25 and the idea of humility. Gates says that, "Our postures become the embodiment of the exquisite balance between holding on and letting go, action and nonaction, ambition and restraint." He is so spot on with this. I am working on finding this balance in every class. And I'm already seeing the effects spill over into my daily life. This is after just 6-7 weeks of regular practice. I am excited to see what will happen a year into it and 5 years and 10 and even more.


Today's Weight: 211.0

TOTAL OF 25 POUNDS LOST SO FAR



Today's Food Choices:
fresh pineapple
(10 am - work)
Teeccino w/ vanilla soy milk
(11:30 - work)
3 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic butter
(1:30 pm - work)
Snickers bar
bag of Fritos
Itoen green tea
(3:30 pm - work)
small bowl of rice w/ Earth Balance
(8:30 pm - home)

5/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #63
8:15 pm w/ Kevo

Tough class tonight for me. Kevo sped through the dialogue cause it was St. Patrick's Day, the class was small, and I'm sure he wanted to go out and join the revelry. The limited rest between postures made it much more cardio-intensive for me. But I think my bigger issue was too much sugar again today. I felt nauseous and out of breath throughout the class. And I really wanted to sit out several postures - especially when it came to spine strengthen series. But I did not. ;))

I am pretty spent and still need to study more. So I'm going to cut this short. More insights on Meditation #25 to come another day.


Today's Weight: 213.0


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate frosting
(10:00 am - The Patisserie)
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, melon
Cranberry Jubilee trail mix
(12 pm - work)
green salad w/ carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, onions
sesame seed roll
(4 pm - work)
hot chocolate w/ soy milk
slice of coconut cake
(6:30 pm - Coffee Talk)

4/60

MEDITATION #25

Bikram Kaimuki - class #62
8:15 pm w/ Michele

Good class again tonight. Very hot and steamy. I felt strong and even got a compliment from Michele on my standing bow. Chatted it up in the lobby after with a couple fellow yogi's - which I don't usually do. Michele asked how much weight I've lost and told me how great I was doing. Which, of course, I already know. But hearing it really made my night.

This is right in line with something that I have already been thinking about for the last couple of days. Sometimes I re-read my blog and feel like I sound terribly vain and ego-centered. I know, in all honesty, that I am certainly neither of those things. But sometimes I almost feel guilty for the glee I feel when I look in the mirror and see the slimmer, fitter body staring back at me.

It's sort of like I'm afraid that I will turn into some kind of brainless Barbie-doll type if I continue to lose weight and shape up. Yes - I do know how completely and utterly ridiculous that is. But somewhere in my childhood or adolescence I got it stuck in my head that it was bad or at least silly to want to look good.

Major news flash - I DO want to look good. We all do. And on the one had I don't think there's anything wrong with that. But on the other hand I feel on some deep level that I shouldn't care so much about my outward appearance. This is something I struggle with. Weird, huh? But also pretty typical of the contradictory messages we are bombarded with from the time we are very young.

That brings me to today's meditation which is about pride. Gates talks about how putting truthfulness into practice during yoga is an exercise in humility. But he also says that humility has two sides. There is the letting go of the good as well as the bad. But the aspect he discusses that really hit me is that humility is also the awareness that we cannot afford to play small.

I feel that this is sort of what I've been doing. For the last several years I've been kind of just hanging out. I've used the extra weight as an excuse not to go out into the world and interact more with people. I've used food to comfort me instead of dealing with my emotions head on. Today's Daily Om deals with this exact issue - using outside influences to numb your feelings. WOW. I am really getting a double or even triple whammy here. I think that I should revist this meditation again tomorrow because there is so much for me to contemplate and sit with.


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10:00 am - The Patisserie)
green salad w/ tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, & onions
(2 pm - work)
8 oz Kombucha
(5:30 pm - work)

3/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #61
6:30 pm w/ Noa

I got another body wrap today. Didn't do measurements, but I feel really slim. In yoga class I couldn't help noticing that the reflection staring back at me looked much thinner. ;))

Noa taught a great class. She is a tough little girl. She's really big on staying calm and in control between postures. I've often witnessed her call people out for drinking water and wiping their faces too much. Personally, I appreciate her reminders to "just breathe and act like nothing happened" especially after giving my all in a tough posture. I had a solid class. I even held both sets of Camel for the full time. And I almost held Standing Bow-Pulling for the full time in second set. Ahh, the small things that make me happy these days.

Speaking of which, I had a delightful lunch with my friend, Suzy, today. And yesterday I spent a lovely afternoon with my friend, Joy, who accompanied my to get my "nose job" as she likes to call it. I am feeling so blessed to have these two wonderful ladies in my life.

But now I really must study because I have an exam Wednesday. So I'm going to cut this entry short.

Aloha, Thanks for reading, and Namaste.



Today's Weight: 214.0


Today's Food Choices:
1 banana
Itoen green tea
(10:00 am - 7-11)
ginger soup
Thai vegetables w/ rice
Thai basil w/ red chili & tofu
(12 pm - Phuket Thai)
1 small brownie
(5:30 pm - home)
3 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but no cheese
(9:30 pm - Papa John's)

2/60

MEDITATION #24

Bikram Kaimuki - class #60
11 am w/ Kevo

I had a great class today. Yes, Kevo is still my favorite even though he's the hardest. The more I take his class the better I get. It's not that the other teachers don't help me improve or try to push us in class. It's just that I always seem to work harder w/ Kevo.

In other news, I got my nose pierced today. It was kind of a whim, although I've thought about doing it on and off for quite a while. I wanted to celebrate losing 20 lbs for good. This is a nice little reminder that I am returning to my old self but at the same time I'm embarking on a journey to a newer, truer version of me. It is also a tribute to my funky and creative and rebellious side. And it was totally no big deal. It did bleed a bit cause it's on the face. But in all, was not that different from piercing your ear. I got a small diamond-looking clear gem stud. Very tasteful and delicate. I LOVE IT!!!

Having the courage to get my nose done made me decide that I'm *finally* going to bite the bullet and get the stay human logo tattoo on my ankle that I've wanted for years now. I think that I'll get it done when I reach 40 lbs lost. Hopefully, that will coincide with my trip to San Francisco after this 60 day challenge is finished. The tattoo will be my next little reward for myself and memento of the new phase of my life I'm beginning. I'm a little scared but also very excited.

Today's meditation talks about letting go of pretense and telling the truth about ourselves as part of the concept of satya. Gates speaks about, "holy moments when we come out of hiding and allow ourselves to simply be truthful with another human being without trying to be cool." I think that yoga helps with the ability to just be without pretense. But I still find myself needing to be cool. I do strive to be authentic above all else. But some days even that is a struggle. Interesting the many layers to an idea so seemingly simple and straightforward as "truth".


Today's Weight: 215.5 - before yoga
Today's Weight: 212.5 - after yoga ;))

TOTAL OF 23.5 POUNDS LOST SO FAR



Today's Food Choices:
green & peppermint combo tea
(10 am - home)
spicy veggie roll
tempura veggie roll
tempura shrimp roll
1/2 California roll
(2:30 pm - Sushi Man)
scoop raspberry sorbet
(4:30 pm - Bubbies)
2 glasses champagne
(7 pm - home)
pineapple, spinach, acai, orange juice smoothie
(9 pm - home)

1/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #59
6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Well it's official. Tonight I started my first ever 60 Day Challenge. I also just found out that my sister and her family will be coming to Maui the last week of April. Which means I'll have to bank some doubles so that I don't have to worry about yoga when I go over to meet up with them for a long weekend. No matter. I am psyched to see them and I am psyched to complete this challenge. I've just got to plan ahead from day one.

I haven't had Kevo as a teacher in a while. And tonight's class still went surprising well. I didn't hold the super long version of camel. But I did try my best in all of the postures. I even held his long version of all 3 parts of Awkward - so I was proud of myself for that. And I wasn't completely dead tired by the time we hit the floor - so I must be learning to pace myself better. I may try to make his class again tomorrow. I sort of missed being pushed past my limits.

Looking at my food choices I just realized that I didn't eat any vegetables today. How did I let that happen? Wow. I really need to make sure that I get in at least one big green salad per day. I know my body needs it. Maybe I'll make a green smoothie tomorrow morning before I head out to yoga to try to start making up for the lack of live enzymes today.

It's been a long day so I think I'm going to crash. I will go into the next day's meditation tomorrow. I figure it'd better wait until I'm a little bit more articulate.

Aloha & Namaste


Today's Weight: 216.5


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate filling
(10:00 am The Patisserie)
fruit salad - pineapple, melon, grapes
3 oatmeal cookies
(1 pm - work)
bag of baked Chex Mix
Aloha Maid iced tea w/ lemon
(4 pm - work)
microwave popcorn
(9 pm - home)

MEDITATION #23 (RE-REDUX)

I took a sick day from work today. I woke up all achy and feverish. Thought I might be coming down with something but it turned out just to be the return of my monthly friend. I've been crampy and bloated and really low energy all day. So tonight I decided to have a glass of wine or two and skip yoga. I don't think I could handle a Kevo class right now.

I have decided to start my first ever 60 day challenge tomorrow. Why wait a week til St. Patrick's Day? Time is of the essence. If I feel strong I'll keep going for a total of 64 days straight before my trip to the mainland. The goal is to make at least 120 classes prior to leaving. 60+ added to the 58 I've already completed for the year. Then I will plan to do 4 classes while I'm gone - most likely 2 at El Cerrito and 2 at San Rafael.

I am excited. I think that right now I really need the discipline that committing to a 60 day challenge entails. And I appreciate the advice and well wishes from those of you who have completed your own challenge. ;))

Back to meditation #23 in Gates' book. I've been thinking a lot over the last several days about being truthful in thought, word, and deed. This proves to be an area of difficulty for me. Which just means that I've got to work harder at it and give it more attention. I am noticing more when I'm not being completely honest or authentic - so I guess that's the first step.


Today's Food Choices:
coffee w/ soy milk & vanilla syrup
kona chocolate chip pancakes
(1:30 am Cafe Mulvadi)
breakfast potatoes w/ salsa & guacamole
(3 pm - home)
2 glasses pinot grigio
vegetarian samosa
vegetarian pakoras
vegetarian padum
(8 pm - Cafe Taj Mahal)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #57
8:15 w/ Jeremy

I really felt bad for Jeremy tonight. He came in to teach the 6:30 class as a favor and then the teacher for the 8:15 class didn't show up so he stayed to teach that one, too. He was not happy but didn't let it affect his dialogue. What a friggin pro - I am so grateful and more than a little bit impressed. He guided us through a solid practice like it was the first class he'd taught all day when in reality it was his fifth. He is totally my hero right now.

Makes me feel even more like shite for missing 2 days in a row of yoga. And I didn't blog yesterday, either so I am a little disappointed with myself. In my defense, I missed A & P lecture as well last night because I was feeling crappy. Not to mention it was raining and there were flash flood warnings for the entire island of Oahu. But I broke my cardinal rule. I realize that what matters is not how you fall but how quickly you get back up in the saddle. So I'm going to make this a 2 day slump rather than a week long one. Instead of berating myself I will pick myself up, dust myself off, and get right back on track like nothing happened.

I am actually thinking seriously about starting a 60 day challenge before my trip to California. I am inspired by reading the blogs about challenges you all have done or are currently doing. I've got between now and St. Patrick's Day to decide, which is 60 days out from the day I leave. For the time being I will try to get back to basics. I will go to yoga for the next 6 days in a row. Then allow myself one day off Monday 3/16. Then most likely start the challenge Tuesday 3/17. I will also try not to worry so much about food while still avoiding animal products. It's a tall order, but my success has everything to do with my attitude. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to do my best in every situation.

I've got to get back into the mindset that yoga is non-negotiable. Meat and dairy are also non-negotiable. I need to stop with the head games and little bargains I make with myself. The "I'll start fresh tomorrow and be super good" rationale that makes slipping up allowable. I was - no *I am* - doing really good. I'm well on my way to reaching my goal weight and getting my body into prime shape. But I've still got a ways to go. There is much more work to be done. I can't rest on my laurels. I've got to keep on keeping on. So that is precisely what I'm going to do.



Today's Food Choices:
hazelnut coffee w/ soy milk & sugar in the raw
banana nut muffin
(9 am Cafe 1132)
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, melon
(12 pm - work)
veggie burger
green salad
brown rice & peanut butter rice crispy treat
(2:30 pm - Umeke)
2x Hershey's 100 calorie packs
(5:30 pm - work)

MEDITATION #8

Bikram Kaimuki - class #42
9:00 am w/ Noa

When I got up this morning I was thinking that I'd go for a double, but now I'm just not feeling it. Noa's class this morning was difficult for me. It was really crowded and I was getting annoyed by every little thing. The lady next to me sighing and constantly wiping her face. The girl behind me hitting my feet every time she got ready to do a situp. The horrible, rotten-milk smell that seemed to be coming from the carpet directly beneath my mat. Even Noa moving around on the stage and blocking my view of the mirror. It got to the point where I finally realized that all these people weren't trying to be assholes on purpose and that it had to be me. And I tried to let it go. But it was just one of those days when I couldn't do it. Oh well. I was hoping to head back for Tom's class and redeem myself, but I've had a low-grade headache all afternoon. So I think I'm better off skipping it.

I also think that I need to let go of the 60 in 60 goal. At least for now. I have been doing really well. I have not missed more than one day in a row since I started this practice. I'm 5 classes behind right now and don't think that I'll be able to pull off 5 doubles in the next 2 weeks. Not to say that I won't attempt to do this again. But for the time being I need to acknowledge the tremendous gains that I have made and focus on getting rid of this cold once and for all.

Today's meditation is about letting go of the things that hold us back. Gates says that when we make a commitment to our practice, then the obstacles to our progress suddenly come into clear focus. I do feel this happening to me. That is one of the reasons I realize that I have got to give up dairy. I am not going to be the healthy, vibrant, yoga goddess that I know I am capable of becoming while still eating gobs of cheese all the time. Dairy makes me foggy. It causes frequent colds and makes losing weight a lot more difficult. And I am sure that there will be other things that I discover I need to relinquish as the time goes by. The yoga practice kind of puts everything into perspective for me. It gives me a new standard to live up to.


Today's Weight: 219.5 - before yoga
Today's Weight: 217.0 - after yoga ;))


Today's Food Choices:
1 apple
24 oz pineapple, banana, spinach, mint, orange juice smoothie
4 piece falafalel w/ pita bread, hummus and hot sauce
large portion of garlic fries
Greek salad - no cheese
15 baby carrots

MEDITATION #7

I didn't go to yoga class today. In fact I spent most of the day sleeping. I was up a good part of the night coughing so I guess I needed the rest. I did take Buddha to the park in the late afternoon. But other than that I really didn't do a damn thing today. I may still try to do a double tomorrow, but will have to play it by ear depending on how I feel.

Today's meditation addresses the idea that we cannot save the world without saving ourselves first. Gates says, "Many of us have spent years trying to ameliorate the world's suffering without first confronting our own." This concept also really rings true for me. Already from doing yoga consistently over the last several weeks I feel like I'm "showing up" more in my everyday life. I feel like I have been more productive on my job. I feel like I am more pleasant and patient in my daily interactions. I am also more present with the people I care about, even while I have less time to spend with them. Quality over quantity - right?

Most importantly, though I find that I am being more patient with myself. That's what today was about. I felt under the weather and tired and crampy. So I gave myself permission to relax and lounge in bed all day long. Tomorrow is another day but for tonight I am going to continue to take it easy and not worry that I didn't accomplish everything that I wanted to do. Today was all about getting healthy again. The task list can wait till I'm feeling better.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
2 apples
Teeccino Maya Chai w/ almond milk & stevia
4 slices veggie pizza - no cheese
(leftover from Papa John's)
vegetarian pho soup
(leftover from SuperPho)
15 baby carrots
1 small brownie

MEDITATION #6 (REDUX)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #41
4:30 pm w/ Kevo

I decided to repeat Day Six because I wanted to contemplate the message a little further. To paraphrase: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. I need to make a new beginning. I need to live a life in harmony with my belief system. Doing the yoga and eating crap isn't going to cut it for me anymore. I don't promise that I will never slip, but I do promise that I will try my best not to.

Let me regress with a little bit of history about me. I was a vegetarian for 10+ years. Not a very healthy vegetarian. I still ate seafood and fried foods pretty regularly. And way, way too much dairy, especially cheese. Besides that I've often been an emotional eater, using food to numb feelings that I couldn't or didn't want to deal with. I haven't always been heavy. There have been periods where I was very thin but only with a lot of exercise and pretty tight control over my eating habits. And something always seemed to happen and I'd turn to food as a coping mechanism. The last several years I have not been vegetarian and my eating has been pretty much out of control. I guess I sort of gave up on myself for a while.

I realize that I need to re-work my entire relationship to food. I do feel like I'm already starting to - the yoga has helped tremendously with that. But it is time for me to give up dairy once and for all. It's bad for me. I know it. I function so much better without it. And I need to give up animal products as well. I don't want to be ingesting the energy of pain and suffering, not to mention all the chemicals and hormones in our meat supply. I need to try my very best to live a cruelty free life. I've also got to give up the idea that it will ever be easy. I have to let go of the notion that I'll get to a place where I can eat whatever I want, because it isn't going to happen.

Reading this lesson in Gates' book made something click in my head. I can't pretend anymore. It is time for me to align my beliefs with my actions. And I need to start in the most basic of ways with the food I put into my mouth. I can longer give my money to corporations, like McDonalds, that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt are so completely 180 degrees at odds with my belief system. It is time to very literally put my money where my mouth is. And I can no longer continue to put shitty food into my body. I am working so hard to clean out all the junk that's accumulated over years. It's completely counter-productive for me to pour more of the same crap into a clean system. So today I am once again a vegetarian. I did have a little dairy, but will make a serious effort to eliminate all of it from my diet. I will continue to focus on eating mindfully and with control.

Well besides all of that, I had another really good class with Kevo. Gauging from the heavy breathing and the grunting & groaning through the class, I really don't think he's gotten any easier. Which can only mean that I am getter stronger. Me... 41 years old... 60-70 lbs overweight... fighting off a cold for the last few days. The one who's only a little over a month into this regular practice. And who started her period today - sorry if that's too much information. But I'm just saying... *I* made it through "the sargeant's" class without sitting out any postures. And I felt pretty strong when we hit the floor. I even held the second set of camel the longest that I think I've ever held it. Who knew that I had all that strength and discipline!? Before long I'll be saying that Kevo is one of my favorites. But for now I am just thankful that I am open to being pushed past my comfort zone.

Today's Weight: 217.0


Today's Food Choices:
chocolate chip pancakes w/ Earth Balance vegan spread & coconut syrup
large cappuccino w/ vanilla syrup and reduced fat milk
(from Cafe Mulvadi)
FuManChew lemonade made w/ maple syrup & cayenne pepper
4 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but NO CHEESE
(from Papa John's)
1 small brownie

MEDITATION #6

Bikram Kaimuki - class #40
6:30 pm w/ Kevo

I had another really good class tonight. I am actually pretty darn proud of myself. The nice thing about having a hard teacher is how fantastic it feels when you improve to the point where their class gets less hard. That is what happened tonight. I didn't struggle nearly as much as I usually do in Kevo's class. It wasn't easy by any stretch of the imagination. It was just much smoother and I didn't feel like I was gonna die by the time we hit the floor. ;))

Today's meditation was such a powerful message for me. It talks about the twin paths of practice and renunciation. Gates says, "Renunciation on its own has no staying power. You can renounce bananas all you like, but if you continue to live in your banana home on your banana street, if you keep your job at the banana warehouse and hang out with your banana-gobbling friends, you'll be eating bananas before you know it." WOW! No fucking shit. Then he goes on to say, "Practice is doing the work. It is following up the intention with action." Profound. This applies to so many areas of my life. Hmmm. I think I'm going to let his words digest a bit and revisit them tomorrow.

On that note - new plan. I have not been able to motivate myself to get up once this week to do the Baptiste video. So I think I am just going to focus on Bikram for now. I feel like I should mention that I also walk my dog, Buddha, every morning before I go to work. I usually take her out for 30-60 minutes Mon-Fri and then to the dog park on the weekends. I've had a really tough time getting up extra early to do a yoga video in addition. And it's a much bigger priority for me to get her out and exercised before I leave her alone all day. With the craziness of my schedule it's better for me to let go of this particular goal for the time being.

That being said, I am going to try to finish up 60 Bikram classes in 60 days. Today is day 44 and I've done 40 classes so far. If I do 4 doubles and don't miss any classes out of the next 16 days, I am there. I'm planning a double tomorrow (Sat), a double on President's Day (Mon), and then a double on each of the following 2 Sundays. As long as I beat this sinus thing by tomorrow I can totally handle that. If not, then my backup plan is to do doubles both Sat & Sun for the last 2 weekends in February. Piece of cake. Not exactly the sixty in sixty that Bikram advocates but close enough for my first time around.

Today's Weight: 218.5


Today's Food Choices:
Egg McMuffin sandwich
hash brown patty
large vanilla iced coffee
(McDonald's - I am going to have to look more closely at this addiction)
9 Hershey's kisses
4 chicken rolled tacoes w/ cheese, guacamole, sour cream, salsa & lettuce
(from Just Tacoes)
1 small brownie still hot from the oven