MEDITATION #20

No class for me today. My back was hurting a little and I decided to take the day off. I also went to Suddenly Slimmer to get a body wrap this morning. Not a lot of fun, but I feel like they can be effective when combined with a weight loss plan. Back when I was working for LA Weight Loss I'd recommend them for women who complained about the under arm waddle that often comes from losing weight. Now, mind you, I would always tell them that working out and losing the weight slowly are by far the best prevention for loose and sagging skin. But body wraps can certainly help. I am going to try to get 1 or 2 per month because they work to tighten everything up a little. I'm happy to report that I lost several inches today - most notably 2" on my hips.

In today's meditation Gates talks about how the yamas and niyamas may seem difficult to master at first glance but that they are really in keeping with our nature. He says that to live with these restraints and observances is actually a relief. He gives an example of how he began talking to strangers at the grocery store because he was thinking about the concept that we are not really separate from other people. He mentions that his fear of strangers has been an aspect of suffering in his life - which really rang true for me.

I find that in periods where I am confident about myself I tend to reach out to strangers a whole lot more. But I have not felt entirely good about the way I look for a long time now. I don't want to sound vain, but my self esteem is very closely tied to my appearance. Or at least to how I feel about how I look. I mean, I *know* that I'm a beautiful and interesting person on one level. But I don't feel like I'm presenting the true image of who I am when my body is fat and out of shape. By doing this yoga I am shedding the mask to reveal the real me. And as the layers come off my confidence increases and my personality becomes more expansive.

I slipped tonight and had a small piece of cheesecake. It has been sitting in our fridge since last Sunday when we had people over to watch the Oscar's and I didn't touch it for a whole week. But tonight I broke down and had a little piece. Which really wasn't that tasty - not nearly as good as I thought it would be. I need to remember this the next time I am really tempted. The food I think I want will rarely live up to my expectations. So I really need to weigh whether it will be worth deviating from my chosen eating patterns to indulge in food that isn't good for me.

Today's Weight: 214.5


Today's Food Choices:
Itoen green tea
(10 am - home)
peanut butter & jelly sandwich
15 baby carrots
(1 pm - home)
spaghetti w/ marinara sauce & frozen veggies
(5 pm - home)
piece of cheesecake
(8 pm home)