Day #19

Home Practice - Baptiste (60 min) #109
Thursday

Bikram Kaimuki - class #110
Friday 6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Back to the Kaimuki studio and an ass-kicking Kevo class. I really missed his teaching style. Such a great class. Definitely hard, but not quite as hard as I remember. I was able to hold his long count for both sets of the second part of awkward. I was also able to hold the entire count in the second set of standing bow pulling pose for probably the first time ever. And I was able to get down all the way on both sides of toe stand - which is another first for me - but then couldn't navigate myself back up to standing without falling out. I wasn't able to hold his extra extended version of both sets of camel, either, because by that point in the class I was running on empty. Still, I didn't sit out any postures even though I wanted to. I made it through strong to the end.

The Baptiste DVD, "Soul of Strength - Power Vinyasa LIVE!", that I did on Thursday is another excellent workout that I highly recommend. In fact, I would recommend all of the Baptiste DVD's that I have done so far. He has a very calm manner and relaxing style. Which is not to say that the workouts are easy - he definitely pushes you to your limits and makes you sweat a lot.

I am getting ready to order a 3 DVD Yoga Journal "master teachers" set that features 3 live 85 min classes - one each with Baron Baptiste, Seane Corn, and Shiva Rea. I am very excited to try these teacher's styles and expand my yoga repertoire. I'm also going to try taking Bikram studio classes from at least 3 different teachers per week going forward if at all possible. I really feel like the variety is helping my practice. I will also allow one of my weekly Bikram classes to be done at home w/ his cd a couple times per month just because I like it so much. ; ))

Still feeling strong and like I am constantly improving.

Day #11

Home Practice - Baptiste (45 min) #101
Wednesday

Bikram Hawaii Kai - class #102
Thursday 7:30 pm w/ Manny

Another awesome class. I was really tired all day and on the way over to the studio I made a deal with myself that I'd take it easy. Well, that didn't happen. As soon as I got set up for the first breathing exercise I couldn't help but give my hardest, best effort. It seems that every time I set foot in the studio lately each class builds on the last and I am amazed, yet again, at my constant progress. Tonight I touched my head to the floor for the first time ever in standing separate leg stretching posture. Then I nailed both sides and both sets of Triangle. And standing separate leg head to knee. That's just to name a few. It seemed like I achieved new ground in almost every single posture(!) I've only been back in the studio 3 times now and each has been an incredibly strong practice. I'm a little dumbfounded.

I have decided that Manny just may be my new favorite teacher. He is the owner of Bikram Hawaii Kai and totally old school, like 1970's style Bikram. His dialogue is not really by the book. He adds a couple of (optional) extra postures - like push ups before fixed firm. He talks a lot about the mind body connection and self realization. Tonight he mentioned that he doesn't believe in the typical 30 day challenge for those w/ moderate fitness levels because if you're overly tired then you won't improve as much or get as much out of your practice. He says that if you're out of shape, unable to get through all the postures, and just kind of cruising through class *then* coming every day has a lot of benefit. But he encourages everyone else to come to the studio 4 times a week and really work 100%, full out in every single one of those classes.

I know that all of this will sound blasphemous to the die hard Bikramites, but it makes so much sense to me. The danger of over-training is very real in any repetitive motion exercise. Why should yoga be any different? And so far w/ my little yoga experiment I feel like a living, breathing example of the benefit of working the body with different postures and even different styles of yoga in order to deepen my Bikram practice. I have never felt stronger or more limber. Or more committed to this practice for that matter. We'll have to see how this plays out during the full 101 days. But even in this short time frame I am pretty sold on the benefit of yoga cross-training.

Day #9

Home Practice - Baptiste (60 min) #99
Monday

Bikram Hawaii Kai - class #100
Tuesday 7:30pm w/ Leigh

Whoa... I made it through 100 yoga workouts so far this year. Now that's a major milestone.

Tonight I completely got my ass kicked, but in such a good way. Leigh used to teach at the Kaimuki studio when I first dabbled with Bikram back in 2007. I'm pretty sure that she is a master instructor because there are pictures of her teaching at TT on the official Bikram website. I always loved her class way back when. And having her tonight confirmed that the Kaimuki teachers are indeed much harder, at least than the other Hawaii Kai teachers I've had so far. My arms and legs felt like jello and I was completely loopy on the ride home.

Tonight I was also blown away by the progress I've made. Really. The improvement in my practice over the last several weeks is remarkable. Is it because I started listening to the dialogue w/ Bikram himself and am therefore executing better? Is it because I took a long break and so my body is fresh? Is it because cross-training with different styles has worked my muscles in a different way and given me a deeper appreciation for Bikram's 26 postures? Or could it be a little bit of all of these combined with my body just being ready to change? Who knows. But the last few Bikram practices I have felt a bit like a rockstar. Even tonight when it seemed that Leigh was mopping the floor with us.

So glad to be back in the studio.

Day #7

Home Parctice - Bikram #97
Saturday

Bikram Hawaii Kai - #98
Sunday 6 pm w/ Manny

Last night was my first time back in the Bikram studio in 3 weeks. I went to Hawaii Kai because I bought a package of 10 when I was there before my trip. And even though it was only my 3rd time at that particular studio, it still felt like I had come home. I even got a little bit emotional during the first pranayama breathing exercise because I felt so deeply that I belonged there in that room doing that practice at that very moment. This yoga is truly amazing. It has worked its way down into my soul.

I had a really strong practice, probably my best yet. I was able to get deeper into most of the poses and my focus was really good. The class was really crowded and I barely even noticed. I was also able to stay in most of the balancing postures longer than usual. Overall a really fantastic class. Everything just clicked. The instructor even commented to me after that he appreciated my focus. That's always nice. ;))

I feel like the yoga cross training is working. I am not sore any more, I just feel worked out. My Bikram postures feel like they are getting better. I am going deeper into most of the positions and I am holding my balance longer. On the Baptiste side, I feel like I am getting the routine a little better each time I do it. We shall see how the weeks progress. But so far I would say that this experiment has been very beneficial. I have a renewed passion and respect for the practice of yoga.

13 & 14/60

Bikram Kaimuki - class #71
Wednesday 8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

Bikram Kaimuki - class #72
Thursday 6:30 pm w/ Jeremy

I love Jeremy. He's probably my favorite teacher if I had to pick one. Not much to report from either class. Both were solid and neither too crowded. Last night I stayed in camel for the full time both sets - but I do that a lot these days, I'd say at least 2/3 of the time. Tonight I stayed in triangle for the full time both sides - which I've been doing about half of the time lately. I did - for the first time ever tonight - touch my knee in spine twisting on both sides. I kind of shifted the way I was sitting and what do you know? There was my knee. Exciting stuff.

I've been slipping back way too much into the dairy again lately. I read somewhere that milk has feel good hormones intended to increase bonding between the calf and its mother. These basically have the effect of an opiate on the human system. When people say that they are addicted to dairy - that actually has some physiological truth to it. And with cheese it's worse since it is a much more condensed product.

I know that I am so much better off going cold turkey. So tomorrow I will do just that. Again, butter will be the exception because it is a much weaker product since it's just the oil run-off. But even that has got to be in moderation. I will also try to step my consumption of fruits and vegetables way up and avoid processed food. That should get my weight moving in the downward direction again.



Today's Weight: 211.5

Today's Food Choices:
large vanilla iced coffee
cinnamon roll
(9 am - McDonald's)
falafalel w/ pita bread & hummus
Greek salad
(12:30 pm - Leo's Taverna)
8 oz Kombucha
(3:30 pm work)
2 small brownines
(8:30 pm - home)

MEDITATION #22

I decided to take another night off. I went to the grocery store after work and not straight to yoga class like I know I should. Because once I get home there's always a chance that I'll lose motivation. When I pack my stuff and take it with me in the morning then I have no excuse not to go to the studio. But lately I'm telling myself things like, "I'll go to 8:15 class because so and so is teaching" or "I don't like 6:30 class because it's too crowded." Bottom line - I'm much more likely to make it to class if I don't stop off at home first.

It also appears that my little slip up w/ the cheesecake the other night is still haunting me. I am totally breaking out. My back, my scalp, my forehead. It's ridiculous. I usually have pretty clear skin, but right now I am seriously detoxing from something. And the only thing that I've done that is significantly different is the dairy in that damn cheesecake. Just another indicator (as if I really needed yet another) that I should steer clear. It obviously does not agree with my body.

Today's meditation is summed in the concept that ignorance creates all other obstacles. The quote from Gates that struck me the most was, "I felt I could spend a hundred lifetimes just refining my own ability to have a good day." God, he could be talking about me. I see the progress that I have made but realize that there is an infinite amount more to work on. I am not perfect, non of us are. I comfort myself in the fact that at least I am aware of how far I still have to go. The learning and growing is never really over. This meditation has so many levels. I think that, once again, I am going to sit with it for another day to let the different facets percolate in my brain.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
vanilla hazelnut coffee w/ soy milk
blueberry croissant
(9 am - 1132 Cafe)
burrito w/ black beans, guacamole, rice, lettuce, salsa
grilled and covered in enchilada sauce
Itoen green tea
(1:30 pm - Taqueria Ramirez)
Pasta Roni olive oil & vermicelli
w/ frozen veggies mixed in
(8 pm - home)

MEDITATION #21

Bikram Kaimuki - class #53
8:15 pm w/ Michele

Tonight's class was pretty mellow. Nothing major to report. It wasn't too hot and Michele didn't hold any of the poses too, too long. Not a cake walk, but another semi auto-pilot class. There were several new students so she demonstrated proper form for quite a few of the postures - which is always a good reminder for me. My knee was still feeling a little weird but I powered through anyway. Fearlessly, but not recklessly as Kevo would say.

I also had a couple of the regulars comment to me how good I'm doing and that I'm looking much slimmer - which was a nice little ego boost. I realize that the changes are happening but it's especially validating when it gets to the point where other people start to notice. Gives me an extra ounce of motivation to keep up with what I'm doing.

Today's meditation in a nutshell is about learning to go where you have to go. Gates tells us that the obstacles in our path *are* the path. He also says, "Every time we stretch beyond our resistance and our fear we make a choice for life. And every time we choose life, we find that fear loses its grip on us." I just love that. Incremental choices, incremental changes. Actions that add up piece by piece, moment by moment. And before long nothing in my life will ever be the same as it was before I started on this journey.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
cafe mocha w/ soy milk
glazed doughnut w/ chocolate frosting
(10 am - The Patisserie)
vegetarian spring rolls
Vietnamese noodles w/ lettuce & bean sprouts
(2 pm - Star Vietnam Pho)
strawberry, banana, apple juice smoothie
(7 pm - Coffee Talk)

MEDITATION #19

Bikram Kaimuki - class #52
4:30 w/ Kevo

I was really tired and low energy all day, but I drug my butt to the studio and had another great class w/ Kevo. I'm still a little surprised at how well I am able to do in his class these days. Because, in the beginning I was seriously intimidated by him. What a difference a couple of months can make. I held standing bow-pulling in the second set for the longest ever for me. I also held camel again for the full extended version that he teaches. Triangle I kept falling forward cause I was having a hard time keeping my balance. But overall a very solid practice.

Today's meditation talks a little more about ahimsa as the practice of not only listening to the voice of lightness but also "cultivating that voice, trusting that voice, acting upon that voice." Gates discusses the idea that the darkness sometimes seems to have a greater pull. I beleive that this is true especially in our society. It's almost cool to be negative and down on everything, but then considered naive to be always expecting the best. I do think that this is changing, however. Maybe we're finally arriving at a critical mass of spiritual warriors bringing love and light to this crazy, mixed up world we live in.

For some reason I am reminded of an excerpt from the Dead Sea Scrolls that a spiritual advisor suggested I use as a daily affirmation of the powerful truth about every one of us human beings:

I am that I am
I am the open door which no man can shut
I am the light that lightens every man that cometh into the world
I am the way
I am the truth
I am the light
I am the resurrection
I am the ascension into the light
I am the ascension into the light
I am the fulfilling of all my needs and desires of the hour
I am abundant light poured out upon all life
I am perfect sight, hearing, and health
I am the manifest perfection of being
I am the illimitable light of god made manifest everywhere at all times
I am that I am

Today's Weight: 213.5

TOTAL OF 22.5 POUNDS LOST


Today's Food Choices:
24 oz pineapple, banana, spinach, mint, almond milk smoothie
(10 am - home)
vegetarian stuffing w/ celery, cranberries, & walnuts
(1 pm - home)
spaghetti w/ marinara sauce & frozen veggies
(8 pm - home)

MEDITATION #18 (redux)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #51
6:30 pm w/ Kevo

I had a solid class tonight with Kevo. I heard a rumor he's leaving which will make me sad, cause I probably have my strongest classes with him lately. Strongest in that I break new ground, find a new edge, push myself harder than I really want to go. Tonight I held camel, or actually I should say the long Kevo version of camel, for the whole time both sets. I felt dizzy when I came out and my heart was seriously pounding after the second set. But such a good feeling to have the mental discipline to hang in there *literally* for the whole time.

I've also been thinking a lot today about the idea of non-violence in thought, word, and action. The thoughts are where I trip up the most. I don't know why I think it's OK to rip somebody a new one mentally when I would never dream of doing it out loud. Who am I kidding? On a certain level they can feel my disgust, anger, frustration, etc... I need to try to be more compassionate. I need to be quicker to give the benefit of the doubt than to jump to conclusions. I need to send love to each of the difficult people in my life. I need to see them as their truest highest self. And I also need to be more compassionate with myself. We are all connected. We are all on the same path. We all mean well. We all are just trying our best to get through this dream called life. I am grateful to that this meditation brought all these things I already know back into the forefront of my mind.


Today's Weight: 214.0


Today's Food Choices:
24 oz pineapple, banana, spinach, mint, almond milk smoothie
(8 am - home)
vegetarian pho soup
(12 pm - Baile)
Famous Amos chocolate chip cookies
(3 pm - work)
8 oz Kombucha
(5 pm - work)
lavosch crackers
10 baby carrots
(9 pm - home)

MEDITATION #18

Bikram Kaimuki - class #50
6:30 pm w/ Tom

WOW. I made it to 50 already. And another really good class w/ Tom this evening. I haven't had Tom as a teacher for a while and I was pretty much on cruise control tonight. I think that of all the teachers at my studio, I trust Tom the most. He doesn't keep us in the poses super long so I try to go to the full expression sooner and end up holding a lot of them for the whole time. That is a big confidence booster for me. Makes me feel like an old pro at this yoga stuff. Also my knee wasn't bugging me nearly as much as last night, which was a big relief. Hopefully whatever problem I was having is working itself out.

Today's meditation introduces the concept of ahimsa or non-harming. Gates says that this yama asks us to embrace non-violence at the level of speech, thought, and action. I strive to do this, but I am so not there yet. I like to think that I've got non-violence in action - especially respecting the lives of animals and not contributing to the culture of pain - pretty much down these days. That's one of the big motivators for me to adhere to my vegetarian and now mostly vegan diet. But non-violence in my speech and thoughts is more nuanced. Hmmm. This is something that I want to contemplate a little more deeply. I think that I will repeat this meditation tomorrow and see what other thoughts come up.


Today's Weight: 214.0

TOTAL OF 22 POUNDS LOST

Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe & honey dew
old fashioned glazed doughnut
(10 am - The Patisserie)
big green salad w/ toasted sesame dressing
honey roasted peanuts & raisins
vegetarian samosa
Itoen green tea
(2 pm - Govindaji's)
8 oz Kombucha
(5 pm - work)

MEDITATION #16

Bikram Kaimuki - class #48
8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

I *heart* Jeremy. He has a very calming energy and he seems like such a genuinely nice guy. It's weird, though... Now that I'm starting to master Kevo's class I feel like I kind of cruise through when I have one of the other instructors. Again, that's not to say that they take it easy on us or that I don't work hard. The classes themselves are just less intense. Today I held camel for the entire time during both sets for a second day in a row. I also held triangle for the entire time. The compression postures are really the hardest for me, largely because of the extra girth I have in strategic places on my body. However, I do find that I am able to get deeper into many of them. Ah, progress. It's all happening. Slowly but surely.

Today's meditation talks about the fact that many people come to yoga without a mature spiritual practice and so are initially missing out on a crucial part of it. In this regard I feel very fortunate. The main thing that drew me to yoga was the spiritual aspect. I love the fact that I can sweat and work my ass off for 90 minutes, achieving a similar endorphin high to running for that same time period. But even more than that I crave the integration of body-mind-spirit that yoga develops in me. I have never found this to the same degree in any other physical activity. Of course I'm constantly working to deepen my spiritual practice. Still, I feel ahead of the game in that I really *get* this amazing connection. Yoga serves to bring the rest of my spiritual beliefs - that were kind of floating out in space on their own - together in such a way that it all makes sense. And the sum is far greater than the individual parts.

I've commented before that my weight loss has been slower than I'd like it to be - but in a way that's not really true. I'm well aware that if the pounds come off slowly that it is far more likely that the changes will be permanent. I also realize that I'm doing this the right way. I am building muscle. I am sending fresh oxygenated blood throughout my entire system on a regular basis. I am making incremental changes to my diet that will all add up over the long run. For all of these reasons, I'm very happy with my progress. I *know* without any doubt whatsoever that I will get down to an ideal weight for me. It might take a year. But I am really and truly OK with that.

One of my sisters said something to me a while back that has stayed with me. She told me that when I was ready to lose the weight then it would just go. I believe that she's right. I have such an incredible wealth of knowledge about diet, exercise, health, fitness, etc. I've read volumes on these subjects over my lifetime. I even worked as a sales manager for a nationally advertised weight loss program. I know how to lose the weight, it's just a matter of putting what I know into practice. But beyond the physical logistics, there had to be an underlying reason that I let myself get so heavy in the first place. The weight had to be serving some purpose for me. So I have been affirming that I am willing to let go of whatever that might have been. I don't need to analyze it or root it out. I just need to be willing to release it. And eventually it *will* simply go.

Another sister and I (there are 5 of us - btw) decided to set goals for ourselves for the next 4 weeks so that we can hold each other accountable. So between now and March 23rd, when I head out to visit my family in the Bay Area, these are my health and fitness goals:

Replace morning muffin with fruit salad
Eliminate all obvious animal products
(w/ butter as an occasional exception)
Drink one green tea per day
Eat one green salad per day
Drink at least a gallon of plain water a day
Walk Buddha every day (30-60 minutes)
Bikram Yoga every day

Today's Weight: 217.0

Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe & honey dew
(9 am - The Patisserie)
green salad w/ strawberry, mango, cranberry & walnuts
tomato basil soup
Itoen green tea
(12:30 - 1132 Cafe)
2x Hershey 100 calorie chocolate pretzel packs
honey roasted peanuts
(3:30 pm - work)
small portion pesto pasta
(6:30 pm - home)

MEDITATION #15

Bikram Kaimuki - class #47
8:15 pm w/ Kevo

Another really great class for me. My goal was to hold camel for the entire time both sets. Low and behold - what do you know? I ACTUALLY DID IT!! I've got to admit that I was a tad slow setting up, but I freekin' held the pose for the entire time. And Kevo holds camel extra long, especially the second set. I am so ridiculously proud of myself right now.

It all began because today I read through an old post where I mentioned that I held camel until I thought I was going to pass out. Then I started thinking about the worst that could happen if I stayed upside down like that even after I thought that I couldn't. Would I actually pass out? Would I collapse backwards? Would I fling forward? I realized that the answer to all of those scenarios was probably "no" - so I decided to try it. I made up my mind to stay in that one particular posture for the entire time both sets just to see what would happen.

Holy cow talk about a breakthrough. I felt dizzy and nauseous and a whole host of different emotions. I even saw black spots for about 30 seconds or so after coming out of it. WOW. I set my intention, I tapped into my power, and I succeeded. Now I am going to have to try this with other postures I struggle with. ;))

Today's meditation talks about drishti or the concept of gaze point in yoga and compares it to the Native American practice of teaching their children active observation. Gates says, "Our yoga practice allows us to participate in this tradition. Our willingness to see what we are looking at allows us to perpetuate it." I really like this concept. Wayne Dyer calls it becoming the observer. This is something that can have tremendous benefit in all aspects of life. Look without judgment at what's happening and *really* see what you're looking at. So obvious yet so profound.



Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
blueberry muffin
(9 am - The Patisserie)
bbq tofu foccacia sandwich
green salad
(2 pm - Umeke)

MEDITATION #14

Again no class for me today. I didn't make it during the day like I should have. And then we had an Oscar-watching party at our house in the evening and I felt like I'd be rude if I left. No worries, tomorrow is another day. I had a couple of glasses of champagne and I probably ate a little bit too much. But I didn't have any meat or dairy, so I am proud of myself for that. I do feel like I've been missing class too much lately. For the next few weeks - probably until I head to California to visit in March - I am going to try to go every day to get my discipline and focus back where they need to be.

In today's meditation Gates talks about the importance of rest. He says that as we develop our yoga practice we can actually learn to rest in the pose. This concept is not new to me. When I swam competitively I learned to push really hard into the flip turn at each wall and then back off a little, stretch out and breathe while swimming back to the other wall. When I ran marathons I would alternate periods of time pushing myself with periods of time easing up or at least changing my stride while still running. I think that active rest is a crucial part of most endurance athletic activities. Yoga is no different. I need to learn to pace myself while still working hard. And more importantly, try to follow Jeremy's sage advice in/after every class: "Do your best and be happy with that."


Today's Weight: 215.5


Today's Food Choices:
24 oz pineapple, banana, spinach, mint, orange juice smoothie
(10 am - home)
leftover chocolate chip pancake w/ regular syrup
(12 pm - from Mulvadi Cafe)
cheerios w/ almond milk
1 small brownie
(2 pm - home)
4 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but no cheese
(6 pm - from Papa John's)
homemade hummus w/ lavosch crackers
homemade mango cobbler
2 glasses of champagne
(8 pm - home)

MEDITATION #13

Bikram Kaimuki - class #46
4:30 w/ Kevo

Yes the day has come that I never thought would - I can say without a doubt that Kevo is now one of my favorite teachers. I had another strong class with him tonight. I even held triangle for the full time, both sides and both sets. I did come out of camel early, but that's at least partly because my back was hurting. And I did stay in until I felt like I was gonna pass out if I remained upside down another second. Overall I put forth a very good effort in all the postures tonight. I have to say that I like taking class from a lot of different teachers. It's good to experience a variety of people's individual styles. The dialogue is pretty close to the same every class. But the teachers add their own interpretation and personality to it. I gain unique insights from each and every teacher whose class I attend.

On another note, even though my weight loss has been less than spectacular I am definitely feeling thinner. I'm fitting into jeans that I haven't been able to wear since the beginning of last summer. A little bit more background... I stopped drinking diet soda in June of 2008. Prior to that I probably drank at least one diet beverage a day since I was about 11 or 12. The only periods where I didn't do this were during prolonged fasts here and there. So this was also a big deal for me. I got terrible migraine headaches for about 6 weeks. Now I get a headache if I have anything with aspartame or saccharin in it.

Anyway, when I initially stopped the diet drinks I switched to regular soda or tea with sugar and this caused me to gain about 30 lbs. I have since switched to plain tea or water. But to make a long story short... I am now fitting into jeans that I could wear before I gave up diet drinks and gained that additional weight. So even though I have only lost 20 lbs or so, I am fitting into pants that I wore when I was 10 lbs lighter than I am now.

I believe that there is really something to be said about the shrinking power of Bikram Yoga. Jenn from Seattle mentions this in her blog. With regular Bikram practice, your body actually condenses itself. Which makes sense when you take into consideration that muscle weighs more than fat but is more compact. I believe that I am living proof that this is true. I am shrinking in size faster than the number on the scale is decreasing. And it is all thanks to my regular visits to Bikram's Torture Chamber.

Today's meditation talks about the concept that what we resist persists. Gates says. "We do not have to succumb to the tyranny of our own self-judgment. We can observe our reactions with awareness, and let them go." My knee-jerk response to this was, "Yeah right, easier said than done!" But then I took a step back and became the observer of that reaction. I realized that, no - actually - it's *not* easier said than done. Just let it go without judgment. Simple. Perfect. Easy. And what a huge relief.

Today's Weight: 216.5


Today's Food Choices:
20 oz coffee w/ vanilla syrup & almond milk
kona chocolate chip pancakes w/ coconut syrup
(12 pm - Mulvadi Cafe)
4 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but no cheese
(8 pm - Papa John's)

MEDITATION #12

Bikram Kaimuki - class #45
6:30 pm w/ Kevo

Another good class. So weird because when I first started I used to dread Kevo's class and now I actually look forward to it. I like that he pushes harder than most of the teachers. I like that he moves through the standing series quickly even while holding many of the poses extra long. I *really* like that he opens the door frequently. I'm sure that a big part of it is that I am getting better at pacing myself during his class. Tonight I think I might have pushed a little too hard in the spine-strengthening series because my lower back is feeling a bit pinched. But I still finished strong. Very nice.

In today's meditation Gates addresses letting go of judgment about our practice. He says, "As long as we stand apart in judgment, we sabotage the opportunity for connection and integration in yoga." This is something that I struggle with. I know rationally that I must release judgment, but I still hang on to it just the same. I am an analyzer. I like to pick things apart in order to see what makes them tick. I like to figure out why things happen. I especially tend to do this in my yoga practice and with my eating habits. The truth is that at the end of the day the "why" really doesn't matter. It only matters what you do in the next moment.


Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
lemon poppyseed muffin
(10 am - The Patisserie)
large green salad w/ toasted sesame dressing
1 vegetarian samosa
(1:30 - Govindaji's)
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe & honey dew
8 oz Kombucha
(5:00 pm - work)
stone-ground white corn chips w/ fresh salsa
(9 pm - home)

MEDITATION #7

I didn't go to yoga class today. In fact I spent most of the day sleeping. I was up a good part of the night coughing so I guess I needed the rest. I did take Buddha to the park in the late afternoon. But other than that I really didn't do a damn thing today. I may still try to do a double tomorrow, but will have to play it by ear depending on how I feel.

Today's meditation addresses the idea that we cannot save the world without saving ourselves first. Gates says, "Many of us have spent years trying to ameliorate the world's suffering without first confronting our own." This concept also really rings true for me. Already from doing yoga consistently over the last several weeks I feel like I'm "showing up" more in my everyday life. I feel like I have been more productive on my job. I feel like I am more pleasant and patient in my daily interactions. I am also more present with the people I care about, even while I have less time to spend with them. Quality over quantity - right?

Most importantly, though I find that I am being more patient with myself. That's what today was about. I felt under the weather and tired and crampy. So I gave myself permission to relax and lounge in bed all day long. Tomorrow is another day but for tonight I am going to continue to take it easy and not worry that I didn't accomplish everything that I wanted to do. Today was all about getting healthy again. The task list can wait till I'm feeling better.


Today's Weight: 216.0


Today's Food Choices:
2 apples
Teeccino Maya Chai w/ almond milk & stevia
4 slices veggie pizza - no cheese
(leftover from Papa John's)
vegetarian pho soup
(leftover from SuperPho)
15 baby carrots
1 small brownie