MEDITATION #16

Bikram Kaimuki - class #48
8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

I *heart* Jeremy. He has a very calming energy and he seems like such a genuinely nice guy. It's weird, though... Now that I'm starting to master Kevo's class I feel like I kind of cruise through when I have one of the other instructors. Again, that's not to say that they take it easy on us or that I don't work hard. The classes themselves are just less intense. Today I held camel for the entire time during both sets for a second day in a row. I also held triangle for the entire time. The compression postures are really the hardest for me, largely because of the extra girth I have in strategic places on my body. However, I do find that I am able to get deeper into many of them. Ah, progress. It's all happening. Slowly but surely.

Today's meditation talks about the fact that many people come to yoga without a mature spiritual practice and so are initially missing out on a crucial part of it. In this regard I feel very fortunate. The main thing that drew me to yoga was the spiritual aspect. I love the fact that I can sweat and work my ass off for 90 minutes, achieving a similar endorphin high to running for that same time period. But even more than that I crave the integration of body-mind-spirit that yoga develops in me. I have never found this to the same degree in any other physical activity. Of course I'm constantly working to deepen my spiritual practice. Still, I feel ahead of the game in that I really *get* this amazing connection. Yoga serves to bring the rest of my spiritual beliefs - that were kind of floating out in space on their own - together in such a way that it all makes sense. And the sum is far greater than the individual parts.

I've commented before that my weight loss has been slower than I'd like it to be - but in a way that's not really true. I'm well aware that if the pounds come off slowly that it is far more likely that the changes will be permanent. I also realize that I'm doing this the right way. I am building muscle. I am sending fresh oxygenated blood throughout my entire system on a regular basis. I am making incremental changes to my diet that will all add up over the long run. For all of these reasons, I'm very happy with my progress. I *know* without any doubt whatsoever that I will get down to an ideal weight for me. It might take a year. But I am really and truly OK with that.

One of my sisters said something to me a while back that has stayed with me. She told me that when I was ready to lose the weight then it would just go. I believe that she's right. I have such an incredible wealth of knowledge about diet, exercise, health, fitness, etc. I've read volumes on these subjects over my lifetime. I even worked as a sales manager for a nationally advertised weight loss program. I know how to lose the weight, it's just a matter of putting what I know into practice. But beyond the physical logistics, there had to be an underlying reason that I let myself get so heavy in the first place. The weight had to be serving some purpose for me. So I have been affirming that I am willing to let go of whatever that might have been. I don't need to analyze it or root it out. I just need to be willing to release it. And eventually it *will* simply go.

Another sister and I (there are 5 of us - btw) decided to set goals for ourselves for the next 4 weeks so that we can hold each other accountable. So between now and March 23rd, when I head out to visit my family in the Bay Area, these are my health and fitness goals:

Replace morning muffin with fruit salad
Eliminate all obvious animal products
(w/ butter as an occasional exception)
Drink one green tea per day
Eat one green salad per day
Drink at least a gallon of plain water a day
Walk Buddha every day (30-60 minutes)
Bikram Yoga every day

Today's Weight: 217.0

Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe & honey dew
(9 am - The Patisserie)
green salad w/ strawberry, mango, cranberry & walnuts
tomato basil soup
Itoen green tea
(12:30 - 1132 Cafe)
2x Hershey 100 calorie chocolate pretzel packs
honey roasted peanuts
(3:30 pm - work)
small portion pesto pasta
(6:30 pm - home)