MEDITATION #5

Bikram Kaimuki - class #39
6:30 pm w/ Tom

I had a surprisingly decent class tonight. I didn't sleep very well last night and was a little bit cracked out all day from taking an Allegra this morning. But it seems that when Tom is teaching I have more good classes than bad. I held most of the postures for longer than normal for me and still felt pretty strong all the way through to the end.

I was up 4 lbs at this morning's weigh in, though. Which was probably from all the sodium in the pho I had in the evening. I know better. When I stop eating by 6:30 pm - or 7 at the latest - I almost always lose weight. When I don't, I either stay the same or I gain. So from here on out I will do my best to have all my major calories before going to evening yoga class. I will keep up with the Kombucha afterwards and maybe even a piece of fruit here and there if I'm really hungry. But never a full meal this late in the evening.

I also feel like I need to give myself a little bit of a pat on the back for what I am trying to accomplish. No getting around it - I am pretty darn heavy right now. I am tall (5'9") so I carry it relatively well, but 200+ pounds is still way too big for my frame. So I need to give myself proper credit for making it through Bikram class without sitting out or leaving the room. 90 minutes of strenuous poses in a heated room is hard at a normal weight. At my weight it's downright heroic. I feel that a good weight for me is somewhere between 140-150 pounds. But I will be ecstatic even to get down to 160. It will happen. I have complete and total confidence. I just need to keep going to class and let the yoga work its magic. I also need to be conscious of what I'm eating and keep the faith that the changes are happening at a microscopic level. Those little changes will gradually add up to huge changes that are impossible not to notice.

Today's meditation talks about how to deal with negative behavior. Gates suggests not to fight it, but to focus instead on positive behavior. It's like the old adage - whatever you think about expands. If you are constantly dwelling on what's bad then you are inadvertently drawing more of it into your life. Instead focus on the good and on what you do want more of. And before long that very thing will show up for you in ever greater quantities.

Today's Weight: 220.0


Today's Food Choices:
egg spinach & feta wrap
grande caramel macchiato
(Starbucks)
veggie & avocado sandwich on a croissant
small bag sour cream & onion potato chips
(from Baile)
8 oz Kombucha