MEDITATION #17

Bikram Kaimuki - class #49
8:15 pm w/ Jeremy

Jeremy is awesome. I had a decent class w/ him tonight even though my left knee was really bugging me. I tried hard but didn't feel as strong as I have been lately. I've had an issue w/ that knee happening over the last few days and it's been slowly creeping up on me. Tonight in class it was the most bothersome it's been. I couldn't sit Japanese style without it hurting. And in fixed firm my hips were nowhere near the floor and I couldn't even lean back onto my hands because it felt like too much pressure. Not sure exactly what it is. Probably an old injury working itself out. I used to run a lot of miles and that takes a toll. Especially on the joints. I'm going to continue to back off those postures that don't feel right and see what happens.

I've also been a little melancholy here and there the last day or so. I've been thinking a lot about my Australian Cattle Dog, Marley. She was my faithful companion for 14 and a half years. So smart, so full of energy, really an incredible dog. I had to put her down this past August and right now I am missing her a lot for some reason. Don't get me wrong. I love my goofy poi dog, Buddha, beyond words. And I truly hope that she will be with me for 14+ years as well. But she isn't Marley. That one was so completely dedicated to me and only me. I got her as a little puppy just a few months after my dad died and she saw me through so very much. My life will always have an emptiness without her - which, of course, is also true about my dad. It's kind of like you get used to the pain of the loss but it never really goes away. Moments like this it is comforting somehow because it reminds me of the beautiful beings that have graced my life and made me feel so deeply.

Today's meditation talks about the first four limbs of yoga as love in action. The thing Gates said that really struck a chord with me is that each loving action we take infuses us with the energy to love more in the future. I guess I can relate this concept to what I've been feeling lately. Missing my dog. Missing my dad, too, because he's probably the most important person I've lost in my life. I know that I need to focus on the love. It might sound silly but my dad and my dog both loved me completely and without condition. Different kinds of love. But with both I knew that there was nothing that I could ever do to make them stop loving me. I think that my dad was the first person who made me feel that. And maybe Marley came into my life after he was gone in order to help me remember. Regardless, my capacity for love was increased by both of them. And I am forever grateful that I had each of them with me for the time that I did.

Sorry to go off on such somber tangent. Now I'm going to get all sappy & nostalgic and revert to The Samples, who express what I'm feeling so well in these lyrics:

Maybe nothing lasts forever,
Not the mountains or the sea.
But these times we've had together
They will always be with me.

Also found it on youtube if anybody wants to listen to the whole song:




Today's Weight: 215.0

Today's Food Choices:
20 oz cafe mocha w/ soy milk
fruit salad - pineapple, grapes, cantaloupe & honey dew
honey roasted peanuts
(10 am - The Patisserie)
veggie & avocado sandwich on a croissant
Itoen green tea
(2 pm - Baile)
stone ground white corn chips
homemade hummus
baby carrots
(6 pm - home)