MEDITATION #6 (REDUX)

Bikram Kaimuki - class #41
4:30 pm w/ Kevo

I decided to repeat Day Six because I wanted to contemplate the message a little further. To paraphrase: If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got. I need to make a new beginning. I need to live a life in harmony with my belief system. Doing the yoga and eating crap isn't going to cut it for me anymore. I don't promise that I will never slip, but I do promise that I will try my best not to.

Let me regress with a little bit of history about me. I was a vegetarian for 10+ years. Not a very healthy vegetarian. I still ate seafood and fried foods pretty regularly. And way, way too much dairy, especially cheese. Besides that I've often been an emotional eater, using food to numb feelings that I couldn't or didn't want to deal with. I haven't always been heavy. There have been periods where I was very thin but only with a lot of exercise and pretty tight control over my eating habits. And something always seemed to happen and I'd turn to food as a coping mechanism. The last several years I have not been vegetarian and my eating has been pretty much out of control. I guess I sort of gave up on myself for a while.

I realize that I need to re-work my entire relationship to food. I do feel like I'm already starting to - the yoga has helped tremendously with that. But it is time for me to give up dairy once and for all. It's bad for me. I know it. I function so much better without it. And I need to give up animal products as well. I don't want to be ingesting the energy of pain and suffering, not to mention all the chemicals and hormones in our meat supply. I need to try my very best to live a cruelty free life. I've also got to give up the idea that it will ever be easy. I have to let go of the notion that I'll get to a place where I can eat whatever I want, because it isn't going to happen.

Reading this lesson in Gates' book made something click in my head. I can't pretend anymore. It is time for me to align my beliefs with my actions. And I need to start in the most basic of ways with the food I put into my mouth. I can longer give my money to corporations, like McDonalds, that I KNOW without a shadow of a doubt are so completely 180 degrees at odds with my belief system. It is time to very literally put my money where my mouth is. And I can no longer continue to put shitty food into my body. I am working so hard to clean out all the junk that's accumulated over years. It's completely counter-productive for me to pour more of the same crap into a clean system. So today I am once again a vegetarian. I did have a little dairy, but will make a serious effort to eliminate all of it from my diet. I will continue to focus on eating mindfully and with control.

Well besides all of that, I had another really good class with Kevo. Gauging from the heavy breathing and the grunting & groaning through the class, I really don't think he's gotten any easier. Which can only mean that I am getter stronger. Me... 41 years old... 60-70 lbs overweight... fighting off a cold for the last few days. The one who's only a little over a month into this regular practice. And who started her period today - sorry if that's too much information. But I'm just saying... *I* made it through "the sargeant's" class without sitting out any postures. And I felt pretty strong when we hit the floor. I even held the second set of camel the longest that I think I've ever held it. Who knew that I had all that strength and discipline!? Before long I'll be saying that Kevo is one of my favorites. But for now I am just thankful that I am open to being pushed past my comfort zone.

Today's Weight: 217.0


Today's Food Choices:
chocolate chip pancakes w/ Earth Balance vegan spread & coconut syrup
large cappuccino w/ vanilla syrup and reduced fat milk
(from Cafe Mulvadi)
FuManChew lemonade made w/ maple syrup & cayenne pepper
4 slices veggie pizza w/ garlic sauce but NO CHEESE
(from Papa John's)
1 small brownie